Category Career Query

I am very scared of lizards. In fact, so grave is the problem that if I spot one in my room I cannot even enter it. It becomes extremely difficult in summers, when they are everywhere. Is this some kind of phobia? Can I get over it?

Many people are scared of lizards. If the lizards is driven away and the person is able to enter the room and carry on working, it is not a phobia. But if, despite knowing very well that there is no lizard in the room, you cannot enter the room or carry on your routine work, this may amount to phobia. Phobias are curable.

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I am not an introvert, but I can’t stand it if people don’t give me importance. I feel neglected at parties. How can I interact with people when they are discussing their own issues? How to get along with them, so that they give me importance?

You should stop thinking that you are the center of the world. Instead of thinking about yourself, start focusing on what other re talking about, what is the topic of their conversation and try to present your ideas about the topic concerned. People of your age usually want to talk about clothes, the latest fashion, studies future plans, latest happenings in the sports field, politics, films etc. Keep yourself updated by reading youth magazines, newspapers etc, so that you can express your views. Keep yourself abreast of these topics and join in the conversation of your friends rather than waiting for them to talk about your topic. This is the age when you start forming ideas, thinking differently and holding on to certain views on different topics. If you show your knowledge and contribute to the topic, they would welcome your ideas and the conversation will move on from there. Then you don’t have to worry that others are ignoring you.

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I am a very social person and want to have a lot of friends. That is the reason I don’t want to annoy anyone by refusing him/her for anything or any work. I don’t express my feelings even if I don’t like anything about my friends. But my sister says that this is not good in the long run, and that I will make friends even if I am frank about my opinions. I want to learn that art. What is the secret behind it?

If you are social and have a circle of friends about which you feel happy, you need not worry whether you are right or wrong in refusing anyone or annoying anyone. You must worry only when you find that your approach causes you problems and makes you feel uncomfortable. Remember, each person has his/her own ways of dealing with others. So long as one’s way of interaction does not cause problems to oneself or others, and at the same time makes the person feel good, there is no need to change that approach.

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I am always unhappy about something or the other and am always cribbing. I want to be content. But some of my friends say that if I am content I will never progress in life. Is that true?    

It is indeed remarkable that you are aware you are unhappy and that you crib. When you are aware about it, it is only a question of self-introspection as to why you are unhappy. Is there any specific reason or event that makes you unhappy? You can find this out if you felt unhappy and see what event led to this. For all that you know it may be a trivial event about which you really need not have bothered. Also give a thought to your cribbing – what are you cribbing  about and whether the cribbing is justified. As you start thinking and analysing on these lines, you will automatically give up being unhappy and cribbing all the time.

As to the question of contentment, one must have a goal and should put in efforts to reach the goal using one’s own intellect, skill and efforts. Being unhappy and cribbing more often than you yields negative rather than positive results.

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My parents were very fun-loving persons, but over the years, because of  financial constraints, have started believing in superstitions. They consult a pundit  for everything. In which direction should the puja  be done? They even believe in Vaastu  for home decor. They are now worried that the main door faces the wrong direction and that the kitchen is in the wrong part of the house. I want to tell them that it is not practical to implement large-scale changes in an ordinary household with limited means. But they are obsessed. Can you suggest a way out of this madness?

I do not know how old you are. Whatever your age, you must understand that in one’s life many behavioural changes occur due to a number of events that are at times very painful. Such events increase a person’s inclination towards superstitions beliefs and the tendency to depend upon God. In my view you should concentrate on your studies/ work and leave them to decide their course of actions,

Furthermore most people today believe in Vaastu and I am sure your parents do realise the economics of modifying various parts of the house. I am sure they will not do anything that will upset their on your lives. Have trust in them and I am sure things will change for the better. Despite all this, if you still want to do something about it, find a suitable and appropriate time and talk it over with them to express your concerns. I am sure their reply will bring about some comfort to you.

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My younger daughter is in class VI and already she has started having performance anxiety. Come exam time and she develops all the symptoms, including stomach upset. I don’t know why she approaches exams in this fashion, when no one in the family exerts any pressure on her.

It is indeed a matter of concern that your daughter should have performance anxiety at this age, that too when none of you puts any pressure on her. The best way to approach this problem is to talk over with her and find out what exactly does she fear? Is it exams by themselves, is it her fear that she may forget what she has learnt, is it the fear that she has not been able to follow whatever is being taught in the class, are the teachers and peers pushing her into competition, is her brother or sister doing far better so that she feels that she also has to come up to that level and fears she will not be able to reach that level of expectation? Once you know the cause it would be easy to help her to get over the problem.

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