Category Career Query

I have been wondering about the kind of trauma and problems being faced by a large number of people, especially the youngsters. Could you enlighten me?

It is indeed nice of you to show such care and concern for the quake victims, especially youngsters like you. It is traumatic for children and adults alike. It is agonising because over the years people have toiled and saved money to build up their homes and businesses as well as bring up their children. Young children, teenagers and youth who have been planning to study further or appear for certain examinations, etc., suddenly find that all their efforts and toils have been destroyed in  few seconds. They are shocked, frustrated, angry and totally devastated by these sudden happenings. They don’t believe that this has happened to them. There is total dismay and helplessness at this natural calamity where humans could do nothing.

Initial shock over, most people try to get over their grief at the loss of their near ones and try to look after those who are alive for which they gratefully thank the Almighty. Many suffer from what is called Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. The essence of this is a delayed distress response to a very atypical and significantly traumatic event. They may show both anxiety and depression. Some need very specific psychological help as they have lost not only all their belongings but their nears and dears and thus feel totally lost, helpless and highly distressed.

However most people try to come out of their grief and work towards normalising themselves as they were before the tragic event occurred. What is perhaps most important is to draw oneself out of the tragedy, start organising one’s daily activities and learn to think and behave positively.

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My parents have been divorced for 10 years now but they see each other often. I have been living with my mother ever since. However, my father has now decided to remarry. Now while I know that he is well within his rights to do so, I feel its a sort of cheating.

I agree that there had been a lot of acrimony between my parents earlier on but now I feel they have been able to evolve a nice arrangement in which both meet each other without any bitterness over previous quarrels.

However, if my father marries again, it will disturb this arrangement and then there will be no scope for any relationship between the two. How can I help retain the status quo? I feel very disturbed about the new development.

I can understand your predicament. However for 10 years they have lived separately and you have lived with your mother. You had no problems. Perhaps you feel concerned that your father remarrying you may not be able to meet him as often as you do now. Perhaps you don’t want your father to remarry at all. From your letter I cannot understand the real issue. If you don’t want your father to marry again, you could talk to him and find out the reasons for this action. Then you could express your own feelings and apprehensions about the issue. I am sure he will be able to arrive at a solution. Maybe you can talk to your mother, who may be knowing more about this matter and then come to a decision.

Once you know the facts and the implications, I am sure you will feel at ease because then it will be easier to accept reality with understanding.

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The fear of failure is making you edgy. There is no reason why a good student like you will not do well at the class 12 exams. As you have rightly realised, there is still plenty of time before you come face to face with the reality of the exam. It’s time that you told yourself that negative thoughts do hamper performance.

Worrying about the exams and wondering whether or not you will do well is the cause for anxiety and headaches. Since you are hassled you will only think about failures. As a result, you will be distracted and find it difficult to focus on your studies. You will find it difficult to remember all that you read. This in turn will cause more anxiety and panic. This sets off the chain reaction and you begin to forget and feel miserable, all over again. The only way to overcome these headaches is to learn to relax. Try the following things:

• Relax all the muscles of your body, loosen them up and sit in the most comfortable relaxed position possible in a chair or a reclining one. You may even lie down in bed. During this period don’t think of anything. Empty your mind of any thoughts.
• Take a deep breath. Inhale slowly until you feel a beautiful pleasant feeling inside your head. This happens when the oxygen goes to the brain. Now slowly exhale while continuing to relax.
• Repeat this slowly and in the most comfortable way for around five to six times. Do keep your eyes closed during this exercise.
• Gradually, open your eyes and get back to your sitting posture. You will feel like a new person. Your head will feel light and wonderful. The negative thoughts would have vanished by this time.
• Now pursue your work at a pace that suits you. You can then take a five-minute break. If you feel tense again, return to the exercise. Otherwise, resume work right after the break.
• Organise your course and lessons in such a manner that you complete the easy sections before moving onto the difficult areas.
• Whenever you have a doubt, mark the lesson and keep it aside to seek clarifications from your teacher.
• During all this, don’t think about next year’s exam. Focus on your work. Do not worry about the results.

         Adopt this strategy with a bit of discipline and very soon you will see your tension and anxiety disappear.

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