Category Ask the Psychologist

The fear of failure is making you edgy. There is no reason why a good student like you will not do well at the class 12 exams. As you have rightly realised, there is still plenty of time before you come face to face with the reality of the exam. It’s time that you told yourself that negative thoughts do hamper performance.

Worrying about the exams and wondering whether or not you will do well is the cause for anxiety and headaches. Since you are hassled you will only think about failures. As a result, you will be distracted and find it difficult to focus on your studies. You will find it difficult to remember all that you read. This in turn will cause more anxiety and panic. This sets off the chain reaction and you begin to forget and feel miserable, all over again. The only way to overcome these headaches is to learn to relax. Try the following things:

• Relax all the muscles of your body, loosen them up and sit in the most comfortable relaxed position possible in a chair or a reclining one. You may even lie down in bed. During this period don’t think of anything. Empty your mind of any thoughts.
• Take a deep breath. Inhale slowly until you feel a beautiful pleasant feeling inside your head. This happens when the oxygen goes to the brain. Now slowly exhale while continuing to relax.
• Repeat this slowly and in the most comfortable way for around five to six times. Do keep your eyes closed during this exercise.
• Gradually, open your eyes and get back to your sitting posture. You will feel like a new person. Your head will feel light and wonderful. The negative thoughts would have vanished by this time.
• Now pursue your work at a pace that suits you. You can then take a five-minute break. If you feel tense again, return to the exercise. Otherwise, resume work right after the break.
• Organise your course and lessons in such a manner that you complete the easy sections before moving onto the difficult areas.
• Whenever you have a doubt, mark the lesson and keep it aside to seek clarifications from your teacher.
• During all this, don’t think about next year’s exam. Focus on your work. Do not worry about the results.

         Adopt this strategy with a bit of discipline and very soon you will see your tension and anxiety disappear.

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What do I do in this dog-eat-dog world where there is no future sans a high-profile education?

You are right when you say that you need an education. You can complete your education as you work through a distance education programme. The Indira Gandhi Open University (IGNOU) offers many courses in different disciplines at the graduate and post-graduate levels. Many universities across the country, including Delhi University, offer correspondence courses in variety of subjects.

All you need to do is get a form, fill it up and work towards your graduation and post-graduation in the subject of your choice and at your own pace. There is no need to feel low. You have the essential ingredient of motivation and desire to acquire a higher education. With your capacity to work hard and diligently, you will achieve your goals.

The past, however bad it may have been, cannot be set right. So treat it as a bad dream that is best forgotten. Concentrate on what you want to do. Set clear goals clear and start working towards them now. I am sure no one can stop you from 

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My classmates teasing me that I am in love with a boy. What should I do?

Just forget the incident for the time being and don’t give too much importance to your friends. The more you react and show how annoyed you are, the more your classmates will trouble you. So ignore them and behave as if their teasing does not affect you at all. There is no need for you to feel guilty. Interact with your friends with your head held high. Your confidence will silence the gossip mongers.

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I wish to take sciences but I have got less marks. What to do now?

I do not think that you should be so worried. Other than those 10 marks, you seem to have done as well as you regularly do through out the year. Keep calm and wait for the results to be announced. Until the marks are announced, stay calm. Just in case you aren’t allotted the science stream, speak to your principal and class teacher to let them know of your keen interest in science and lack of inclination for the other streams. I am sure things will work out for you. Positive thinking is most important for you.

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How do we tackle the mess at home?

It would please your grandmother if you her as much affection and support as you can. She shouldn’t be left to feel neglected or even rejected. Try and help your mother too. This should not be a problem, as one does not study every minute of the day. So use your break time to help your mother with the household chores. Spend time with your grandmother and make her comfortable during her confinement. This will make you and your brother feel good and bring about an atmosphere of peace at home.

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I can understand your concern. At the present moment, I would suggest that you go slow as you have not met this person but only talked to him over the phone. You are still young and studying; involvement in such relationships may lead once again to another negative experience, which may affect your studies adversely. There is no harm in continuing correspondence with this person without committing yourself to anything until you meet him and also make your parents meet him. The question is not whether you can trust, but whether you can make a proper judgment about his personality and him as a person, because (1) you have not met him and (2) you are still not ready enough to make such judgments.

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