Category Ask the Psychologist

I am a Class 8 student and I perform well in studies, I am quite popular in my school because I am beautiful, and my overall performance is good. But my classmates do not behave well with me. They don’t talk to me as they think that I am very rude and have an attitude. They always ignore me and feel jealous. I don’t want to go to school and sometimes I harm myself because I know that I don’t have an attitude. I am depressed.

Your feelings of pain, anger and helplessness when your classmates ignore you in spite of your popularity in school are so strong that you end up harming yourself. Self-harm is not a suitable way of coping with your distress. Manage your feelings using relaxing techniques such as dancing, art, going for a walk, etc. And if you feel they are unmanageable, speak to a counsellor.

Just as we admire a film star for his/her beauty and acting but we don’t know them personally, your schoolmates admire you for your ‘beauty’ and ‘performance’ from afar and you seem to like this attention and popularity. Perhaps you expect the same kind of attention from your classmates instead of making friends with them and getting to know them personally? If yes, even though you think that you don’t have an attitude, your classmates will certainly think that you have one.

Focus on making friends with those classmates with whom you spend most of your time. Let them see the real you: Bring out your inner beauty with a smile and warmth, and let your performance be about building relationships based on love, trust, kindness and helpfulness. As E. Lockhart says: “If you have friends who actually like you, you are popular enough!”

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I study in an all-girls school and I have a crush on my senior. I have confessed my feelings towards her; however she doesn’t have any feelings towards me and I’m fine with it. But when I’m texting with her she calls me by names which couples would use and even says ‘I love you’ and that I make her happy. I’m really confused about what she means.

While your senior has said that she doesn’t return your feelings, you are puzzled about what her text messages really mean. It is quite possible that she is enjoying the attention that you are giving her. If yes, then she might just be playing with your feelings by using terms of endearment that couples use. More importantly, by texting her, you are setting yourself up to be hurt because you might actually begin to believe that she likes you in return.

In an all-girls setting, it is quite normal to have a ‘crush’ or to ‘hero-worship’ a senior of the same gender, so it is quite likely that this is a temporary situation. It is best that you stop interacting with her and instead focus on your friendships and on discovering your potential.

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I’m in Class X, and soon my student life is going to change. But I seem to know nothing about myself – my ambitions, hobbies, interests, likes, dislikes etc. I don’t know what do in life. I’m a robotics camper, but can’t decide if I should continue with it and if it will affect or improve my future. My parents are very supportive of my decisions. I’m confused. Can you help me?

You must be applauded for your skills as a robotics camper. When you move on after Class X, sometimes you may not be clear on your future plans and career. Before you decide on anything, it is necessary to identify your interests and skills. You can excel in any field as long as you are clear about your interests and ambitions, and if it suits your personality, passion, skills, aptitude, values and financial background. You must be thankful for having supportive parents.

Meet a career counsellor who will help you identify in a scientific manner the fields that suit you. It is good to think before you decide rather than regret the decision later. Explore, analyze, think and decide.

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I’m a school student who loves to help people. But no one helps me when I need it. I get a bit depressed because of this. What should I do?

Being altruistic is healthy and it is good to continue helping others. Of course, you must take care to not get exploited because of this. Be aware of the situations when you help others. You definitely gain happiness and satisfaction when you help others. But it is also necessary to understand that we must not help others simply because we expect the same from them. When we have expectations, there are chances for disappointments too. Being assertive is necessary to reduce disappointments. It is okay to ask for help rather than expecting others to understand our situation and act accordingly. It is human to get disappointed, but we can find ways to avoid it as well. Looking at things from a different perspective will help you tackle such situations better. Life is a learning process and we have the freedom to live in a healthy manner.

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I am in Class VII. I hail from a northern State, now study in a southern State, and I’m unable to understand my friends. They constantly contact and disturb me via social media. Also, every day I leave home by bus at 6:45 a.m. and come back at 6:45 p.m. I want to secure the first rank in class. How can I manage to do it with all these?

Cultures and values differ when you come from a different place, and it takes time to understand others. Give yourself time. Show interest in their activities, but be clear on your values and boundaries. Never cross your limits or be exploited to make friends. A healthy friendship is very important. Being a good listener can help you understand them better. Choose friends who value your interests. As for your studies, your day is hectic and so it is essential to use your time efficiently. Do not compromise on your sleep, food and extra-curricular activities. Make use of travel time to complete everyday lessons. Set aside time to finish your writing since you cannot do it during travel. Also, try to make friends during your travel if you are commuting by your school bus. Spend quality time at home with your family too. You are very young and it is not good to get influenced by social media. Do not be harsh with your friends when they disturb you, express your opinion in a gentle manner.

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I am in Class IX. I’m attracted to the daughter of a teacher in our school. But her father is very aggressive and strict, and I don’t know how to express my feelings towards her. I am also afraid of her response. I am not able to deal with this, and my friends are making fun of me. How can I overcome this feeling?

Such feelings are very natural at this age. It is not easy to express your feelings and emotions. It is a stage of transition and also of doubts and confusion. The best way to overcome it is by staying calm. You have a lot of things to achieve in life and it is not good for you to lose focus at this age. You feel that the girl’s father is very aggressive and that he will not be able to understand your feelings. So, weigh in the consequences before you act. Don’t forget about your future. The relationship with your teacher and your behaviour as a student are also very important. Don’t be haste in judging your feelings. She can always be a good friend who can support you. Time will offer the best solution.

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