Category Ask the Psychologist

I am stressed about my future.

I am in Class 9. Before the pandemic, I used to be a bright child and a topper, but after the pandemic my grades have deteriorated a lot. I was on the brink of failing in my periodic tests. I am stressed about my future.

The pandemic has caused several changes in the lives of people and many are still facing concerns, though things are back to normal at the moment. It is important for you to find out what exactly has changed in your life during the past two years that led to this drastic change. Did you suffer emotionally? Has your friend circle changed? Has there been something that has upset you or are you worrying about something that you find difficult to speak about? Make a list of all these things to find out what the root cause of the problem is. After you have learnt about the root cause it will be easier for you to tackle it. For example, if you are unable to understand what is being taught, maybe you can take coaching from a specialised teacher for the same. As you go to a higher standard, the studies may also get a little difficult and you may find it difficult to concentrate, understand that you are worried about future, however, this is a concern that is definitely resolvable.

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Did our personalities change during the pandemic?

Population-wide stressful events can alter the trajectory of personality, especially in young adults.

The COVID-19 pandemic affected the entire world. Most of us now alive had never experienced anything like it before it happened, and probably might not experience anything like it ever again either. Every aspect of life as we knew it changed. And that might include a part of ourselves too, according to a recent study.

Even as most of the world continues to bounce back to some level of normalcy, this research, whose results were published in the open-access journal PLOS ONE in September, seems to suggest that the pandemic might have even changed our personalities. The study conducted by researchers at the Florida State University College of Medicine states that the pandemic may have altered the trajectory of personality, especially in young adults.

Impact of stressful events

There is a long-standing hypothesis that states that personality traits are impervious to environmental pressures. Previous studies have shown that there no associations between collective stressful events such as earthquakes and hurricanes, and personality change. The researchers of this study set out to find out how it was with the COVID-19 pandemic.

For this, they used longitudinal assessments of personality from over 7,000 people enrolled in the online Understanding America Study. While the age group of the participants ranged up to 109, nearly 60% of the participants were female.

Five traits compared

The researchers compared five-factor model personality traits between pre-pandemic measurements (May 2014- February 2020) and those taken early (March- December 2020) and later (2021-22) in the pandemic. The five traits included neuroticism (trait disposition to experience negative effects such as anger, anxiety, irritability, etc.), extraversion, openness, agreeableness, and conscientiousness. Over 18,000 assessments were analysed. While there were relatively few changes between the pre-pandemic and early pandemic traits, there was a marked difference in the measurements. The researchers noticed declines in extraversion, openness, agreeableness, and conscientiousness that were statistically equivalent to a decade of personality change.

When the results were moderated by age, it was clear that the oldest group showed no statistically significant changes in traits, while the youngest were most affected. The researchers conclude that if these changes endure, then it implies that population-wide stressful events can alter the trajectory of personality, especially in young adults.
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Why does hard thinking make us tired?

Researchers were quick to point out that there are no quick fix solutions for this limitation of the brain.

You might have noticed that on Occasions when you think hard about something, you end up feeling tired. You are able to understand when this happens after hard physical labour, but you are surprised when this happens after hard thinking as well. Rather than try to find why this happens, you would have most likely let it pass, trying to give yourself some rest as you already feel exhausted.

Researchers from the Pitie-Salpetriere University in Paris have probed this very question as to why intense cognitive thinking makes us feel mentally exhausted. Their results were reported in Current Biology on August 11. Brains, as opposed to machines, can’t compute continuously. The researchers set out to understand what mental fatigue really is. They suspected the brain’s need to release potentially toxic substances built-up from neural activity as the reason for tiredness and decided to look for evidence.

Brain chemistry monitored

Using magnetic resonance spectroscopy, they monitored the brain chemistry of two groups of people over the course of a day. While one group needed to think hard, the other had relatively easier cognitive tasks. The group doing hard mental labour showed signs of fatigue, including reduced pupil dilation. In technical terms, people in this group had higher levels of glutamate in synapses of the brain’s prefrontal cortex.

Glutamate accumulation

Along with existing evidence, this supports the idea that further activation of the prefrontal cortex becomes more costly following glutamate accumulation. In effect, a mentally tough workday eventually leads to cognitive control becoming more difficult. Researchers were quick to point out that there are no quick fix solutions for this limitation of the brain. Rest and sleep is what is suggested as there is evidence to show that glutamate is eliminated from synapses during sleep.

Scope for future studies on the subject includes learning why the prefrontal cortex is particularly susceptible to glutamate accumulation and fatigue. Researchers believe that learning more about the markers of fatigue in the brain could help us plan our lives to avoid burnout, and may even predict recovery from health conditions like depression or cancer.

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SHE “PLAYS POLITICS” WITH ME AND I CAN’T STAND HER

A new girl joined our class this year. I don’t know what it is about her but everybody likes her. Even my friends are always with her. She “plays politics” with me and I can’t stand her, because of her my friends have left me alone. How can I get my friends back and tell them that she isn’t a nice person?

Looks like the new girl in your class is making you feel quite insecure and you ‘can’t stand her’. This new girl is quite popular, and everyone is attracted to her, including your friends. Seems like you feel helpless that you can do nothing about it.

It is not that a person is a nice person’ or ‘not a nice person’. You think that she is not nice, but your friends think she is. So, reflect on what makes you say that she ‘isn’t a nice person’? Note down any evidence that you ) have for each reason. Have you interacted with her enough to get to know these things? What does she do when she “plays politics” with you? Have others also =noticed the same things? If not, your friends will see that you feel jealous.

Instead of focusing on putting her down, focus on what makes you feel insecure and develop yourself in those areas. If you want your friends back, pay attention to your relationship with them and the fun you can have together. Your friends will not be happy around you if your attention is on her in a negative way.

How about going a step further and making friends with the new girl? Discover whether you find her truly nice or not. Perhaps it is not about competing with her, but all of you finding things in common and being friends. Might be more fun…

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I DON’T HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM

My best friend of the past five years has a crush on me. I am not interested in him this way and I don’t have feelings for him. My priorities are my studies and family. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to break my friendship with him.

You are dismayed to learn that your best friend has a crush on you for you are worried that this could mean the end of your friendship.

So, if you haven’t already done so, ask for time with your friend and speak frankly with him. Gently but firmly state that you don’t reciprocate his feelings. Ask him what he would like to do. He may want to remain friends but want time off from the friendship to work through his feelings. Or he may want to end the friendship. Either way, respect his choice. And if you feel you want to end the friendship, then discuss that with your friend. He would need to respect your decision too.

Unfortunately, with his feelings for you and your relationship has already changed, and even if you don’t want to break the friendship, you need to be prepared that it may happen. This will depend on the choices you both make.

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I AM OFTEN SHORT-TEMPERED WITH OTHERS

I’m a 15-year-old boy. My problem is that I get aggressive and often short-tempered with others. I even show my anger in front of my parents. I can’t share my problems with anyone; my best friends don’t listen to me and one of them is not talking to me. I’m unable to concentrate on my studies due to this. Please help me out.

Looks like you’re feeling helpless at being unable to do anything about your anger and its consequences.

First, understand your anger: Find the real feeling underneath the anger. E.g., if you can’t share your problems with anyone; if your best friends don’t listen to you; when a friend doesn’t talk to you…how do each of these make you feel? You get angry when you yourself don’t know what you are really feeling. When you’re angry, you may end up taking your anger out on  someone/something else, making things worse. You can look up the ‘Anger Iceberg’ worksheet online and use it to understand your anger. Observe and list the warning signs that you’re showing. For example, do you tend to tremble? Does your mind go blank? Do you breathe heavily? Note these down

Manage your anger: Use the S.T.O.P. technique. When you know you’re getting angry, first Stop doing anything and just wait. Then Think about what is making you angry and label the feeling, e.g. I feel…. Then think about the Options you have to calm yourself instead of showing your anger. Maybe you could go for a walk, listen to calming music, breathe slowly… Finally, Proceed to do what you need to do next, e.g. you can go ahead and express your feelings.

You can ask yourself: How can I express myself in a way that will truly express my need instead of simply reacting to the person in front of me. Over time, you will learn to find what really bothers you and manage it well.

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