Category Ask the Psychologist

I am in Class X. My Boards are approaching, and I’m facing a huge problem. I like a boy in my class. I confided in my friends about my feelings. But, somehow, a few other classmates came to know of this and started teasing me about this. I tried to convince them it was not true. But the boy stopped talking to me and is trying to avoid me. I am disheartened. The friendship between us is gone. I feel bad. What should I do? Also, I am intimidated by students who are popular. I shy away from speaking with them. I’m a boring friend to many, I wish to change.

In your teens, getting attracted to others is very natural and you need not feel bad about it. What is important is that you take care not to lose your focus because of such distractions. The teasing is just a passing phase. Do not take it seriously. Have an open conversation with the boy and help him understand your feelings. Make an attempt and do not worry much about it. Stay calm and do not over-react. Do not feel inferior to anyone. Each of us has our own strengths and weaknesses. Focus on your strengths. It is good that you want to change. Self-motivation is very important to make a positive people. To be part of groups, you should have common interests. It is okay to be flexible and accommodative so long as you are not compromising on your principles and values.

Picture Credit : Google

I’m in Class X, and my Boards are nearing. I have been doing my best for my examinations, but I do not see satisfying scores in Maths. Though I prepare well, I get very tensed and confused while writing the examination. How can I overcome this?

Examinations are important, especially in Classes X and XII. To do well in your examinations, you need to be relaxed and confident. Although you are well-prepared, fear pulls your confidence down and contributes to your bad performance. Do not study till the last minute. Practise sample papers and sit for model examinations to develop confidence. Do not worry about the results. Visualise model examinations as the Boards. It will help build confidence and reduce anxiety. Take time to find out where you are going wrong and initiate steps to not repeat the mistakes. Practise breathing exercise and meditate for a few minutes every day to stay calm and focussed. Remember that these are among the few examinations in your life. A healthy diet, regular physical exercise and good sleep are every important. Self-motivation and hard work will help you do your best.

Picture Credit : Google

I am in Class VIII. I am good academically and I am also very serious all the time. Even if one of my friends tries a prank on me or teases me. I take it very seriously and threaten them that I would complain to the teacher. Even my parents have told me that this is my childhood and that I should have fun. I want to, but because of my behaviour, nobody wants to talk to me. I am also scared that if I change my behaviour in any way, it would affect my academics. Please help me change my behaviour without it affecting my academics and to get my friends back.

You seem to an excellent student. Do not fear losing friends because of the change in your behaviour. In fact, when you are in good terms with your friends, your relationship will improve and you will be happy. Your academics will not get affected as long as you do not lose your focus. Teasing for fun can be taken in the right spirit as long as it is not abusive. Being over-sensitive even for small things will irritate others and will also give room for more such situations.

Here are a few suggestions to handle your sensitive nature:

• Self-comparison: Love yourself and be clear about yourself
• Mindfulness: Being aware of the situation is very helpful.
• Acceptance: Be open and accept the situation. By doing this you become resilient.
• Perspective: Do not judge situations. Look at it from different perspectives without being narrow-minded. This will help you think with a positive attitude.
• Daily journaling: Write down your feelings every day to help you manage your emotions. You will meet people with different cultures and lifestyles. Be clear on your values and limitations. Learn to be firm yet flexible. It is natural to have such feelings, but we must take steps to manage them properly.

Picture Credit : Google

I’m a Class IX student. I’m friends with a girl, but many seem to think we’re in a relationship. What can I do? Please help me.

Friends play a very important role in your life. During your teenage years, you become close to your friends, irrespective of your gender. What is important is the way you develop friendships and be clear on your boundaries. You are the best judge of your behaviour. Whenever comments are passed, just introspect if you have created the opportunity for those comments and avoid it the next time. It is a also phase when you explore relationships. Learn to manage your emotions in a healthy manner. To develop social sensitivity is also very important. Being over sensitive is not good.

Picture Credit : Google

All my friends receive a lot of pocket money, but my parents are very strict and question me when I ask for money. How can I always expect my friends to spend for me? Though they are good, and willingly contribute for me, there is this one boy who keeps calling me kanjoos (miser). How do I handle this?

Money can be a sensitive and personal issue for many. The concept of pocket money is to help you learn how to manage your money and be aware of your boundaries. Every family has its own boundaries and it might not be healthy to compare and value friendship based on anyone’s pocket money. I agree that it can make you feel uncomfortable when friends keep spending for you. Never forget that crossing boundaries will create problems in any relationship. Your parents could be concerned about the way you spend money since they have their own limits. Although your friends are ready to spend for you, it is not good to entertain it always or get carried away by it. Never get exploited, and be open in your communication with your friends.

Picture Credit : Google

I’m in Class VIII and I’m very good at studies. I’m part of the Under-14 table tennis team and I also participate in all the dance programmes at school. I don’t have any friends and they say I’m a nerd and that I don’t know anything other than studying. What should I do to gain their trust and friendship?

Appreciate your talent in sports, dance and academics. You are a multi-faceted person. In spite of your talent and performance in various fields, it is not clear why your friends call you a nerd. It does hurt when you do not have friends. Sometimes, the way we behave and communicate with friends could affect our relationship. Take time to analyse your behavior. Have an open discussion with your friends to find out why they feel so about you. To gain trust, it is important to make them understand that you care for them and also show it in your actions. Be open to changes for developing trust among friends. Also remember not to lose your self-esteem to gain their confidence. Be ready to listen and also respect each person’s interest.

Picture Credit : Google