Category Ask the Psychologist

I am in Class X. Since I entered Class X, my parents have had high expectations from my academic performances, for which I have had to sacrifice all other activities. I have been feeling the pressure and I seem to be losing my interest in academics. I have my examinations soon and I think u can achieve the target but, at the same time, I also think there is not enough time for preparation. Meanwhile, inspired by teenage climate activist Greta Thunberg, I have developed interest in acting for climate change, which according to me, is the most important thing now, but I am unable to do anything about it. I don’t feel like studying, and this is affecting my academic performance. Please help.

As you move on to higher classes, the academic pressure increases, and so does your chance of experiencing it.  Such external pressures from parents or others can be managed if you are able to manage your schedule and focus on your goals. Have an open conversation with your parents to express your feelings. It is very important to fix a goal and work towards achieving it. Also, it is not necessary to stop your activities for academics. It is good to have at least one hobby to distract yourself from academic pressure. What is necessary is to learn manage your time effectively to that you do not face burnout! Prioritizing your work is very important. And several social incidents will disturb or inspire us. And, although you may not be able to contribute to the change immediately, you may be able to learn a lot from such incidents. No learning goes waste and you will perhaps use it later in your life.

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I’m in Class X, I aimed to score 90% and above, given my potential. But, due to the marks I scored in Class IX, I think it’s not possible for me to score more than 85%. I’ve lost my faith. Please help me.

It’s good to fix a goal and aim to achieve it, based on your capability. It’s not healthy to give up when you do not meet your expectations. It would be helpful if you could find out what went right and continue with them and focus on areas that need improvement. Also, look into the possible factors contributing to the decline in your performance – distractions, lack of focus, anxiety, peer pressure, lack of proper studying, health issues and lack of performance during examinations… If there have been any significant changes at home or school, see if they have influenced you. Once you discover the causes, make changes wherever possible and work towards your goal. Seek help from elders or trusted ones to help you overcome the issue. Stay positive and work in a healthy atmosphere.

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Our school has arranged for an educational tour to Malaysia, but my parents are not allowing me to go. I’ve tried my best to convince them in vain. This tour is the topic of discussion at school, and I feel left out. My examinations are approaching and I’m not able to focus on my studies. Most importantly, I’m in Class X, and it’s a crucial year for me. How can I cope with this situation? Please help.

It is very natural for you to be upset, given the situation. Parents have their concerns for not sending their children for such tours. And you may not be alone in this situation, a few of your classmates may not be going as well. Disappointments are a part of our lives, and we may not get all that we wish to get. You have to develop resilience to manage your emotions. As you have mentioned, you are in Class X, and it is important to focus on your studies. This disappointment should not affect your academics. You can always go for such tours later. Accept your parents’ concerns and take it in your stride. Focus on your goal and work towards it. When your mind is distracted by such events, think about your goal and how well you should prepare for it. You could write inspirational statements such as “I will do my best”, “I will avoid distractions”, “I am focused” etc on a few pieces of paper and stick them where you can see them frequently at home. When you look at them, you will get back to your long-term goal.

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As you go to higher classes, it is very important to follow an effective study pattern. When a technique does not work for you, it is good to introspect as to what could have been done differently. Adapt to changes whenever necessary. Here are few tips to improve your study habits and memory:

• Focus: Follow a proper study pattern. Choose a time to study regularly. Take short breaks. Prepare notes when you learn. Note down the difficult ones to concentrate more on and repeat.
• Avoid procrastination: Studying at the last minute may affect your memory. It will create anxiety and reduce your retention power. Study and revise your lessons every day. Regular practice and hard work will help you.
• Avoid distractions: Have a regular study place that’s well-ventilated and study when you are not very tired. Do not use your mobile phones, television and such during study time.
• Plan and organize: When you plan your study depending on your schedule, you will be able to focus better.
• Relax: Balanced food, regular physical exercise and proper sleep are essential for good memory. Take up some kind of regular physical activity. Avoid junk food. Have lot of greens, vegetables and fruits. Protein-rich food is essential. Keep yourself hydrated.
• Learning style: Each person uses different learning style. Some are auditory (through hearing), some visual (seeing) and some kinesthetic (movement). A combination of all three works the best. Identify your dominant style of learning. Read difficult portions aloud and also write them down. Relate visual cues to what you learn. This will help you recollect it better. Use mindmaps for studying.
• Positive attitude: Be positive about what you do well. Do not lose your confidence. Hard and smart work will fetch you the best results. 

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I appreciate your talent and interest to develop it. Communication is a very important component in everyone’s life. Effective communication is necessary to develop good relationships. It can enhance your reputation, boost your self-confidence and open up countless opportunities. Here are a few tips to develop your skills in public speaking:

• Regular reading – of books, newspapers, journals – will help you enhance your vocabulary and knowledge on different topics.
• Listen to news channels
• Planning and practice: Before your speech, plan its content. This will help you gain confidence. Practise regularly. You could join organizations that focus on public speaking to learn its nuances.
• Make use of opportunities: Take part in events and class programmes on public speaking to gain confidence.
• Body language: Be mindful of your body language and learn to connect with the audience.
• Think positively: No one is perfect and we all learn from our mistakes. Practice helps us overcome our fears and mistakes.
• Record your speeches whenever possible and watch them to identify areas of improvement.
• Listen to speeches: Listen to TED talks and other speeches to help you understand the skills of different speakers. In the book “TED Talks” by Chris Anderson, he narrates his experiences on public speaking.

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I appreciate your interest to resolve the conflict between your friends. Your intentions are good and you have to handle the situation carefully. Even before you get into resolving the conflict, analyze if you are prepared to do it. Here are a few suggestions.

• Understand the situation
• Do not take sides and end u getting onto an argument
• Remain calm
• Identify the threats perceived by each of them
• Choose the appropriate time and place for the discussion
• Be empathetic. Understand each of their explanations
• Work on the best ways to bring collaboration
• Focus on the positive aspects of each of your friends
• Avoid aggressiveness n the way you communicate with them
• Give them the time and space to make the changes

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