Category Ask the Psychologist

I am a boy studying in Std IX. My friends call me a girl. This hurts me a lot. I’m weak too so I cannot fight with them. Because of this, my studies have been affected. Please help.

Teenagers can be cruel sometimes. Your friends’ remarks hurt you a lot and are affecting your concentration on your studies. However, the more you show your hurt feelings, the more some of your friends may enjoy the fun. Try to ignore their remarks as if you do not care for what they say. There is no fun in taunting someone who doesn’t care.

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A boy from a school near mine is my friend on Facebook. He says that he really like me a lot and gives me many compliments. I’ve started to like him too. He is very cute. I’m confused because my friends sometimes are his fans and sometimes hate him. He accepted all the requests my friends have sent even though he doesn’t know them. Because of this I think he’s a flirt. Plus he’s better-looking than me. Please give me your advice.

The best way to build a friendship is that of a personal face-to-face relationship, sharing joys and sorrows of life, helping and trusting each other. To have a friend on Facebook is not the same thing. As you are experiencing now, you end up getting confused and thinking he is “a flirt”. My advice is that you start real personal relationship filled with affection, trust and mutual help.

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I’m 15 years old and studying in Std X. My boyfriend and I were together for the past four years. We both love each other. But these days his behaviour has changed. He has started ignoring me. One day he even slapped me because I was fighting with him. My friends have often told me to leave him but I didn’t because every time I tried to break up with him, he would apologize and then we would continue our relationship. But this time he went off. He would go with other girls and try to make me feel jealous. I love him truly and want him to forget everything and start afresh, but he never tries to focus on it. What should I do?

At the tender age of 11 you and that boy started what is commonly called “puppy love”; just a children’s game. Without knowing the beauty and strength of mature love, your relationship is now breaking up: “he is ignoring me”, “he even slapped me because I was fighting with him”, he tries to make you “feel jealous”. It will take more time for both of you to mature psychologically and emotionally in order to understand the meaning of true love. Stop trying to “start afresh” a relationship on which “he never tries to focus”. Do not waste your time and focus on more important issues of your teen age.

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I am in class 12. I have a secret crush on a girl in class 10 from my own school, but she has a crush on my classmate. She does not use a cell phone and she’s not on any social networking site, due to which I cannot express my feelings. I feel shy to propose to her face to face because of the fear of being rejected. But whenever I talk to her, I feel that she’s comfortable with me. What should I do?

You have a secret crush on a girl who does not use a cell phone nor is on any networking site. Because of this, you are unable or unwilling to talk to her face to face, fearing rejection. In this situation it is better for you to wait until you gather enough courage to talk to her or she will make up her mind: either to concentrate on her studies, or to carry on the crush she has with one of your classmates or to accept your proposal (if and when you will do that). If you do not feel confident to talk to a girl, you are not yet ready for a relationship with her.

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My 17-year-old son is not at all interested in studies. He is only interested in playing football and late nights out. At a tender age he’s picked up bad habits like smoking and drinking. His food habits are not appropriate. He loses his temper easily and is very undisciplined. What should I do?

The upbringing of a son is the duty and responsibility of both parents. Did you and your husband approach your son with one heart and mind? Have you spoken to him clearly about your expectations and love for him? How could he spend late nights out and pick up “bad habits of smoking and drinking” without the parents’ knowledge and consent? Who gave him the money for such bad habits? These questions have to be answered and solutions found together in the family as soon as possible.

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A very good friend of mine is trying to get into relationship with a girl who is not morally good. When I try to convince him not to do so, he feels that I am jealous of him. His grades have also come down this year. I want to help him. What should I do?

Are you absolutely sure that the character of that girl “is not morally good”? You should be very careful not to spread rumours about the behaviour of others. If you are convinced about that and you have explained the matter to your “very good friend” you have done enough. Now it is up to him to decide what to do or not to do. You are not his parent, just a friend.

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