Category Ask the Psychologist

I liked a girl in my class when I was in eighth standard. But now she has left the school. I was hurt, but I found her online and now I chat a lot with her. But I am getting addicted to her and I think about her the whole day. I am unable to concentrate on my studies. Should I stop talking with her?

Addictions are always bad, whether related to drugs, alcohol, smoking, sex or even relationships. You have more important things to do at your age than “thinking about her the whole day”. Think of your family, good dear friends and teachers. Last, but not least, think about God who created you and loves you so much, explain your problem to her and stop chatting “a lot with her”. She will definitely agree to that. Do not waste your precious time.

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I am 14 years old and I know this guy who used to study in my tuition class. After he left the class we started chatting online (before we never used to talk to each other). He admitted that he “like me” and wanted to be in a relationship. I declined saying that we were too young. We became good friends and texted each other every day. But after a few weeks he texted me saying that he doesn’t like to chat with me and I am just “wasting his damn time”! And he said, “not to be rude but I am blocking you”! I was very hurt by his actions and because of this I cannot focus on my studies. Please help.

At the age of 14 you started chatting online with a guy who used to study in your tuition class. You “became good friends and texted each other every day” because he “wanted to be in a relationship”. With the passing of time he realized that much of his time was getting wasted and decided to stop this relationship. Now you are “very hurt” and “cannot focus” on your studies. You should learn from this experience not to hurry into online relationships at a very young age, because only words will be exchanged, not real knowledge and experience of each other. Love implies giving and taking, sacrificing, forgiving always and growing together each day. This cannot be done online.

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I am 21 years old and I am preparing for my CA final exams. I am in a happy relationship with a guy but unable to focus on my studies. We frequently meet each other because of which I get less time to study and the course demands 12-13 hours study time. I really love him and don’t want to break our relationship. I am really confused about what I should do. Please help me out so that my studies don’t get affected by this.

You are no more a teenager and are preparing for your final CA exams. In this important period of your life which “demands 12-13 hours study time” every day you frequently meet a guy with whom you are “in a happy relationship” which you “don’t want to break”. The problem is that this situation has a negative impact on you as you are unable to focus on your studies. Probably he too must be experiencing the same. At this point of your life you should realize that in a relationship what matters is not the quantity of time spent together, rather the quality. A few moments spent together sharing your life situation and your plans for the future are more important than a long time spent together just looking into each other’s eyes. You are acting like an infatuated teenager not like a responsible adult.

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I’m a 13-year-old-girl. I love someone in my class but he loves someone else. He talks to me and shares his problems with me, which he doesn’t do with his girlfriend. I think he likes me but how can I be sure?

At the age of 13 it is easy to get confused between loving someone and liking someone. ‘Love is a deep commitment of mind and heart with a chosen one who shares the same values. Liking someone is often related to physical attraction and related feelings. Try to enter into good friendships with many young people of your age and do not get involved in other people’s relationships.

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I am 16 years old. A few months ago I met a boy on Facebook who is 6 months older than me. We became really good friends and gradually began talking on the phone. I started liking him and he knows about it. But in the past few days he started ignoring me and I felt really bad about it. Now that he has his exams we hardly talk on the phone. I am finding it really difficult to concentrate on my studies as I keep thinking about him all the time. I don’t know if this is infatuation or just so-called hormonal changes. Please help me out so that my studies don’t get affected by this.

What you are feeling for that boy whom you met on Facebook and with whom you had a few talk on the phone is clearly an example of infatuation. You would like to have his full attention and “keep thinking about him all the time”. If he ignores you for a few days you feel “really bad about it” and find it very difficult to concentrate on your studies. At your age the confusion of infatuation with true love is quite common. Infatuation is an exciting experience but can be quite troublesome, because it makes people totally depressed if rejected by the one they feel in love with. It also makes people ineffective as other activities are suspended and only daydreaming about the loved one matters. Stop daydreaming and turn your mind and heart to your loving family, your duties as a student, your beautiful friendships with people of your age. Last, but not the least, turn your heart and mind to God who loves you and gave you life.

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I am in love with a guy who has just proposed to me. But I have two best friends who don’t trust him at all. Now one of them trusts him but the other still doesn’t. She says that he will cheat on me. But in his school he broke his hand while playing a dare just for me. Should I listen to my friend or should I continue with him since he loves me very much.

At the age of 14 you have just opened your mind and heart to a relationship with a boy your age who proposed to you. Now you are confused as one of your friends trusts him while another says that he will cheat on you. From your side you feel that you are in love with him. Since at your very young age you cannot commit yourself to a permanent relationship, the best thing you can do is to propose to him to start just a friendly relationship with him. This will give you time to know him better and for him to know you. Your future is in the hands of God.

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