Category Ask the Psychologist

I love a guy a lot and he loves me too. I am one year younger than him. The problem is that after a few months he will be going to another state far away from me. I am confused about whether I should remain in a relationship with him or not. Both of us love each other a lot. What should I do?

You are just 15 and that boy is 16. In a few months he will be going to another state. You are now confused about whether to continue this relationship or to stop it. The best you can do is to propose to keep in touch as good friends and share your joys and sorrows as friends do. Friendship is important at all stages of life, but is particularly crucial during the teen years when a sense of insecurity dominates emotions and feelings. Adolescents are undergoing profound changes from complete dependence from their parents to an unstable independence. Their inner SELF is constantly changing and undergoing formation. No serious and permanent commitment is possible at this age.

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I’ve a very good friend who’s just like a sister to me. She’s is the only one I can trust in this world. But I’ve many flaws in me and that creates a lot of problems between us. I recently met a boy, who was in my class some years ago, on a social networking site. We became friends and entered into a relationship; I didn’t tell her but she guessed it. And she felt really bad. We are good friends again but I can feel that the warmth is missing now. I really love and want my sister back. I can’t imagine myself without her because I am not close to anyone else, not even my family. Please help me out.

It is painful to read that you are “not close to anyone, not even your family” and that your friend is the only one you can trust in this world. Your parents brought you in this world, love you and take care of your education. They would be very upset if they come to know about that. Fix your priorities in life and do not run after dreams of “love” about which you have no experience.

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My friend was addicted to betting. He owes 2 lakh rupees to some people. He is studying in college and he can’t ask his parents for help. What can I do for him? He is my best friend. I care for him and I love him so much that I can’t let him be in trouble!

A college student who is addicted to betting and “owes 2 lakh rupees to some people” is definitely in trouble, because “he can’t ask his parents for help”. His parents do not know about his addiction and may be in a difficult financial situation. You, too, who cares for him and love him cannot do anything., your friend should have the courage to tell the truth to his family and find a solution along with them. You just cannot do anything.

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I am a girl, but I have feelings both for girls and for boys. It is very confusing. I don’t understand my sexuality. And I’m scared to talk about this. I’m scared that people will start rejecting me. I don’t really know if I’m bisexual. Please help.

At the age of 15 your sexuality is not yet fully matured and it is possible to experience confusion in relationships. After a few years you will mature your feelings and emotions. There is no need for you to worry now about your sexual identity. If you face any problem in future you can trust the opinion of your parents or of an experienced counsellor.

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I met a guy 2 years ago and I had a kind of attraction towards him from the very first day. Then 2 months after meeting, he proposed to me and we were in a relationship for about one and a half year. Then due to some reasons we broke up. After about 6 months he again proposed to me and apologized for his mistakes and I totally believed him. Two months later, I learned that he was cheating me and he was in a relationship with another girl. I was completely broken. Meanwhile, I met a guy who was very caring and was possessive about me. We used to spend maximum time together. He proposed to me but because of my past I am not able to trust anyone anymore. I am not able to forget my past or able to live my present. Please help.

At the age of 13 you felt “a kind of attraction” towards a boy. Attraction is mainly caused by a physical emotion towards a person of the opposite sex. It has nothing to do with love or a true friendship; in fact, after one and a half years your relationship broke up. After patching up with him you came to know that he was in a relationship with another girl. Friendly relationships come and go during the teenage. An exclusive love commitment is not possible and not advisable at your age. Therefore, there is no need of getting “completely broken” about it. The fact that in the meantime you met a boy who is “possessive” about you is not a positive experience. A free relationship with mutual respect is the best at your age. Learn from your past not to be emotional and possessive in your relationships and live your present with trust and confidence in your friends.

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I’m a 15-year-old girl in Std X. I have a boyfriend who also studies in Std X but in a different section. We were in a relationship for 4½ months. Everything wasn’t good between us; we used to fight for small reasons. So I decided to break up with him. He casually accepted that break-up. We didn’t talk to each other for 1½ months. After that I realized that it was my fault and so I patched up with him. Now we are in a relationship but everything is not the same as before. We don’t talk daily as we used to do; he doesn’t care for me the same way he used to before break-up. It feels like our love is vanishing day by day. Sometimes I regret patching up. Besides this, there is a girl in his section who is playing the role of a “villain” in our story. Due to his changed behaviour, I’m not able to concentrate on my studies. What should I do?

Your relationship with that boy has been in trouble since the beginning: “Everything wasn’t good between us. We used to fight for small reasons”. After a break-up you restarted the relationship “but everything is not the same as before” and “it feels like our love is vanishing day by day”. You should ask yourselves what kind of relationship is going on between you two: is it friendship, infatuation or a love affair? At the age of 15 both of you lack experience and maturity in handling relationships and things are going from bad to worse. Both of you seem to be focused on oneself and fulfilling one’s own desires and imposing them on the other. True love makes people forget self and care for each other deeply. I suggest that you look at each other just as friends, not as lovers, respecting each other’s freedom. Concentrate on your studies and patiently grow in experience and maturity.

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