Category Ask the Psychologist

A year ago, I met a girl who is elder to me and we became like brother and sister. Lately I thought I started loving her. But actually I was just missing her because I hadn’t spoken to her for a couple of months. But I realized this later. Before this I told a mutual friend that I loved that girl. And this friend told her that “your brother has now started loving you”! Today she is very angry and I don’t know what to do now. She is very close to my heart and I don’t want to lose her. But I made the mistake of confusing missing her for love. How can I regain her trust?

The relationship between brother and sister is a form of pure love. That’s what you felt towards that girl at the beginning. Lately you thought that a change had taken place in your heart and told that to a mutual friend who immediately told this matter to that girl. Your change of attitude and the fact that you revealed it to one of your friends has upset her and now she is very angry. As you made a mistake you should ask her for pardon, promising that it will not be repeated. It is up to her to forgive you or not. If she decides not to forgive, you will lose her. Learn the lesson and do not repeat the same mistake.

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I am 14 years old and think no one cares for me. I used to have a friend many years ago, but due to his father’s transfer he moved to another city. Now I have some friends but I think that they do not even care about my presence. I try to adjust to the situation and to enjoy my life, but still feel the same. What should I do?

You seem to be expecting a lot of attention and care from your friends, forgetting that friendship is a two-sided relationship of giving and taking. Are you giving to your friends the love and care that you are expecting from them? Are you always ready to help them in moments of need and forgive them if they make a mistake? If you do so they will love you and never leave you alone as you are feeling now.

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My sister, who is three years younger than me, is addicted to mobile phones. During her exams her cell phone was taken away from her to help her concentrate on her studies. But she has been a bit upset since then. Please help me to guide her.

Your sister, who is 15 years old, is addicted to mobile phones, as nowadays many teenagers are, neglecting more important things, for example their studies. Your parents have done well in taking her cell phone away during her exams. Do not worry if she is “a bit upset since then” because she has to learn to fix her priorities in life. Hopefully, in a few years time she will understand and thank you for teaching her a useful lesson.

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I love a boy and we have been in a relationship for the past two years. But now I feel he is cheating me. I don’t feel like talking to him. Whenever we talk we fight a lot. He has changed a lot and so have I. I want to save our relationship but there is no love left. What should I do?

From the tender age of 12 you have been in a relationship with a boy for the last two years and claim that you “love” him. Unfortunately, for unknown reasons, now you do not trust him and feel he is cheating you. Love is built on mutual trust, not on doubts. It seems you are not yet ready for a committed love relationship as you “don’t feel like talking to him” and “fight a lot” with each other. If you want to save your relationship, just look at each other as good friends, not as lovers. Friendship is a beautiful form of love which is not exclusive and respects each other’s freedom. It could happen that, in the course of time, this friendship may grow into a mature, committed love relationship.

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For the last 3 months I am in true love with a girl and she also loves me but we also want to study. Every time we sit down for study thoughts of each other come to our minds. We want to manage love and studies at the same time. How can we?

You and your girlfriend are unable to manage love and studies because thoughts of each other come to your minds and make you unable to concentrate on your studies. Remember that you are not living alone in society; are you forgetting your loving parents who support your education, other family members and good friends who care for you? If your love is really “true love” it should make you responsible and serious about your family, friends and studies. If this is not happening it means you are just infatuated with each other, which means you are experiencing an exclusive attraction towards each other that makes you unable to concentrate on anything else. I suggest that you begin your studies with a prayer to God for all the gifts given to you, asking Him to protect you and your dear ones. With God in your mind and heart you will be able to focus on your studies and other family duties.

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My girlfriend and I love each other so much that we cannot stay without each other for weeks or days. After I passed class X, I went to a different place and was staying in boarding and I could not talk to her for more than a month. During my holidays, I went to my hometown to meet her but she said that I didn’t like her anymore and so she got a new boyfriend. What should I do to get her back? I can’t stay without her and my study grades are going lower and lower. Please help me.

Being frequently physically close to each other is not necessarily a proof of love. Even husband and wife sometimes have to live separately because of work problems or other family problems. What matters is that their hearts should be united in an unbreakable bond. When you couldn’t meet her “for more than a month” she suspected that you “didn’t like her anymore and so she got a new boyfriend”. As she can happily stay without you, you should concentrate on your studies as your “grades are going lower and lower”. Obviously she was not in “love” with you. Respect her feelings and learn from this experience.

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