Category Ask the Psychologist

I have many friends or rather people whom I can call my friends with whom I can chat for hours, have fun and do everything in the world. But that’s it. I cannot share my intimate feelings; whatever is buried deep inside my heart remains there itself. I’ve no one who I think can understand my feelings. I used to have such a friend but now she hangs out with another girl and has completely forgotten the bond we once shared and my other friends get bored when I share my views with them. Sometimes I feel that I shouldn’t think about my sadness and have fun with all my classmates, but whenever I’m alone all these feelings come out as if they were just looking for a chance! I really need someone who can actually help in the way I want, who will understand me, who doesn’t take my problems for granted. I have no one in my family or friend circle who can understand me. Whatever issue I like to talk about is not liked by my friends and vice versa. Is this a common problem faced by every teen of my age? Please help.

I am happy to read that, “I have many friends…with whom I can chat for hours, have fun and do everything in the world”. This is what teenagers should do. Yet, you do not seem to be happy, because you miss someone with whom you can share your feelings, help in the way you want and doesn’t take your problems for granted. You “used to have such a friend but now she hangs out with another girl” and “other friends get bored when I share my views with them”. Besides, “whatever issue I like to talk about is not liked by friends and vice versa”. It is also sad to read that “I have no one in my family…who can understand me”. The problem is that you do not trust them and expect too much from them, as you want to be understood and helped by everyone. Are you ready to do the same with others? Would you get bored with a friend who constantly wants to pour out her “intimate feelings and whatever is buried deep inside” her heart. Friendship is a give and take relationship. At the age of 14 the answer to your problem is what you already know: ‘I feel that I shouldn’t think about my sadness and have fun with all my classmates.”

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I love a boy who was once my best friend. After two years of friendship I realized I loved him. I told him about it and he said he loved me, too. One day after three months he suddenly said that he liked some other girl. I am so badly broken because I love him so immensely. I can’t believe that he did this to me because I trusted him so blindly. He said he like me and wanted me as a friend. I can be friends with him but I know it is going to have a bad effect on my studies and I really don’t want to hurt my parents. I’ve stopped talking to him but a mere thought of him hurts me so badly. I just don’t know what I should do to forget him. I don’t have any best friend except him; neither do I feel like talking to anyone else.

You seem to be utterly confused about liking someone, being friendly with someone or “immensely” in love with someone. This is common at the age of 16 when girls and boys get infatuated with each other. This is happening to that boy, who told you that he loved you too and after three months said that he liked some other girl. He also said he liked you and wanted you as a friend. Your emotional attachment to that boy is blinding you and keeping you away from other friends as you do not “feel time for you to open your eyes and heart to many beautiful relationships in your life: first of all with God who loves you and then with your parents, family members, teachers and other youth of your age. Strengthen your bond with them, because keeping yourself aloof will not solve any problems. It takes time to mature intellectually, emotionally and spiritually.

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I confessed to my crush that I liked him but he said that he only thinks of me as a friend. He also said that he needs time for all this. When I spoke to my friend about this she told me that he already has a crush on some other girl what should I do?

You should appreciate the frank answer of your crush, who told you that he only thinks of you as a friend and nothing more. Respect his feelings and his freedom to enter into other relationships. At your age you need to grow from crushes (infatuations) into beautiful committed and respectful friendships. This will take some time and more life experience. At the age of 15, the fact that you like someone should not make you rush to unnecessary “confessions” of your emotional feelings and immaturity.

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I was in a relationship with a guy for one month. He broke up with me because of some misunderstandings. Then after eight months he proposed to me again. After some time he said, “Our thinking doesn’t match and we should only be friends.” I accepted his friendship. But I still have feelings for him. What should I do?

Your relationship with this boy has been marked since the beginning by “misunderstandings”. Besides, he felt that “our thinking doesn’t match” and that you “should only be friends”. Accept his words and be his good friend. At the age of 14 feelings come and go. You cannot impose your feelings on others.

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I was in relationship with a guy for 4 years. It was not a continuous relationship; we had break-ups and then again patch-ups for almost 4 years. Now we are no longer together. Still he’s on my mind. I don’t know how to forget him forever. I need some suggestions from you.

At the age of 12 you entered into a relationship with a guy and carried it on for four years with frequent “break-ups and then again patch-ups”. Finally, you both decided to put an end to this painful situation by being “no longer together.” You have done the right thing, because at your age there more important things teenagers should do than running after emotional feelings. In order to forget him you should now focus on your education, family relationships and duties.

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I am 20-year-old-girl and love a boy who is one year elder to me. We are from the same college but different sections. But when I approached him he said that he likes me a lot but doesn’t love me and that he is into his music and won’t be able to give me time if he dated me. He said, “It’s not that you don’t look good or anything, it’s only that I don’t deserve a girl like you, you really look pretty and you deserve a better guy than me.” What should I do? I truly love him and want to marry him but he is not ready to think that he is the best guy for me. Please help me.

The boy whom you “love” and “want to marry” has been very honest and frank with you by telling that he likes you but doesn’t love you. This means that he just wants to be a good friend to you and nothing more. Besides he is busy with his music and would be unable to give you time if he dates you. He went to the extent of telling that “you deserve a better guy than me”. The best thing you can do is to respect his feelings because you cannot force your feelings on others. If you insist on proposing your love to him he may get upset and stop dealing with you even as a friend. Concentrate on your studies and family; he will notice that you respect his feelings and are a responsible person. This is enough for the time being. The future is in the hands of God.

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