Category Ask the Psychologist

I’m 18 years old and still my dad doesn’t allow me to do anything. He always tries to control my life which I hate the most. He tells me not to wear T-shirts and jeans, not to roam with friends, not to talk to boys, etc. Even though I’m a college-going girl i have to give him a missed call when I reach or leave college. I had no problem doing this when I was younger, but now I feel ashamed. He doesn’t trust me at all. He blames me for every reason. I just hate him like anything. We have a fight every two days. I’m fed up of my life. Please help me.

It is painful to read that you have a serious problem in the relationship with your father: “He always tries to control my life” and “He doesn’t trust me at all” and “He blame me for every reason”. Your father seems afraid that you may get into some trouble or danger and wants to know everything about your day-today activities. You cannot handle this situation alone as you have reached the point of hating him and being fed up with your life. In your letter you do not mention your mother; if she is in the family you should share this with her and get some help. If she is not in the family you should confide your problem to a close relative or family friend who could take up this matter with your father and help you.

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My girlfriend and I were in a relationship for the past one year. She was a new student and was from another town. When I proposed to her she accepted. We loved each other a lot; in fact we stayed quite close to each other. But then she went back to her town due to some family issues. I had her phone number and I often used to call her. She also used to call me, but now for the past few months she has stopped calling. When I tried to find out the reason she said nothing. My friends are saying that she’s forgotten me. I’m really shocked and don’t know what to do. I love her a lot and I can’t forget her.

At the age of 14 you started a “relationship” with a girl from another town. Things went well for one year till she had to go back to her town. Now one year has passed and she doesn’t show interest in continuing this relationship (for the last few months she has stopped calling you and gave no reasons for it). Now you are 15 and shocked because you “love her a lot and can’t forget her”. At your very young age relationships need a lot of personal contact and frequent talking and sharing. Attractions and emotional feelings predominate. Now she is far away from you and probably got involved in other relationships which keep her busy. There is nothing you can do about it; your friends may be right in saying that she has forgotten you. Faithful and lifelong relationships leading to marriage develop at a more mature age, when two persons build a bond of true love, not just infatuation or friendship. Concentrate on your studies and on your good friends in town.

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I am a class X student. I have fallen in love with a girl in my class. I did everything to get her. She says she thinks of me as her best friend. The problem is she loves a guy from another school. I have made her my priority, but i am her second option. What should I do? I want to be with her every time, everywhere. I want her to fall in love with me. Please help me out.

You are deeply infatuated with that girl and are emotionally upset. You have made her your “priority” and do not accept the fact that she loves a guy from another school and she thinks of you only “as her best friend”. True love cannot be forced on anyone; it is built on the freedom of two persons to enter into such relationships. Learn to respect her feelings and stop pretending that she should “fall in love” with you. Be a good friend to her and give her time to make up her mind about who should be her partner in life. In future, if you are good to her she may appreciate you and decide to choose you.

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On entering Std XI, I have been least concerned about myself. I don’t try to study and get distracted by different thoughts especially of my former boyfriend. I have made a timetable for my studies but don’t follow it. I get into arguments with my parents. Sometimes I have thoughts of killing myself. I feel like I am a loser and can’t do anything. I completely wasted this session and the boards are coming up in April. My grades are going down and my performance in sports too. Sometimes I miss my boyfriend whom I left due to family pressure and talk to him even after promising my family not to do so. I am also confused about whether to carry on my relationship with him or end everything. I have started hating myself! Please help me.

It is shocking to read that at the tender age of 16 you “have started hating” yourself and are “least concerned about” yourself and get into arguments with your parents. You even have thoughts of killing yourself. You do not study and your grades are going down and feel that you are “a loser and can’t do anything”. Remember that your life is a precious gift from GOD, who loves you and is always ready to help you in moments of need. He has given you your parents and the possibility of getting a good education and building a good future. Awake from your negative approach to life and your irresponsible behaviour. Spend some time in prayer to God every day and share your problems with a good teacher or college counsellor who knows you and can give you proper guidance. Stop complaining and start living the beautiful gift of your life.

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My best friend and I had a fight 3 months ago. I really don’t know how to get back our friendship. I really miss him and want him back. I tried to talk to him but he ignores me and I feel very bad. I really do not know what is going on in his mind about me. Should I apologize to get him back or should I wait for him to come and apologize? Or should I ignore him and forget him forever?

You had a fight 3 months ago with your best friend and now you miss him and want him back because he ignores you. You should ask yourself why you had a fight with each other and who started the fight. If you were the first to insult him it is your duty to apologize and ask for forgiveness; if, on the contrary, it was him, who started it, tell him that you have forgiven him and want him again as your best friend. A good friendship is built on mutual respect, love and forgiveness.

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I am a student of standard XII and I am from a middle class family. My dad is an IT consultant, but due to the fall of IT my family is facing many financial problems. But still they go through everything with the determination to make me a doctor. They pay so much for my tuition expenses more than what they have. I want to be a doctor but my ambition seems like a dream which may not come true due to my lack of confidence. I have no will-power or self-control. I cut school just to watch Korean dramas. I lie to my parents that I am using the Internet to clarify my doubts but I secretly read books online or watch dramas. I know that what my parents are going through is much worse than anyone can think of. There are few more months left for the board exams and I am still unprepared. I am scared to face my NEET examination. I get distracted easily and I want to sleep a lot. I have the capacity to score well when I study but I do not concentrate. I badly want to become a doctor. My relatives and family are expecting me to enter MED on merit. I know I can never reach my goal if I keep doing this. I read your blog a lot; your advice helps me in many ways. I hope you can advice me on this.

You know that your “family is facing many financial problems” yet they pay so much for your “tuition expenses” because, out of love for you, they want you to become a doctor. You too “badly want to become a doctor” yet, a few months away from your board exams, you are “still unprepared”, “do not concentrate” and “want to sleep a lot”. Look at the faces of your parents, struggling to help you in spite of so many family problems and feel ashamed of telling lies to them, being lazy and neglecting your studies, though you know that you “have the capacity to score well when you study”. You are aware that you “can never reach your goal” if you “keep doing this”. If you continue like this you will waste your life and make your family suffer. If you work hard and become a doctor you will be able to help your family overcome their financial problems and make them happy. Don’t you love your parents? Don’t you want to help them? Don’t you feel ashamed? Don’t you fear God? Awake from your irresponsible behaviour and work hard to achieve your goal.

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