Category Ask the Psychologist

I am 14 years old. I finish my studies before my father returns home office at night. But when he comes home, he always sees me watching TV. He scolds me, but I’m not able to make him understand that I have already studied. After returning from school I go for tuitions and then to play. After that I study and watch TV, and at that very time my father comes home! He tell me to study in the morning from 4 a.m., but I am not able to do so because of being tired the whole day. Please help me.

You write that you are busy everyday with tuitions and studies. Only after that you relax by watching TV. When your father comes home he sees you in front of the TV and thinks that you are wasting time and he colds you. The members of your family who see you studying should explain the situation to him. You can also ask your father to talk to your teachers in school and they will confirm your good performance in studies. This will make your father happy.

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I try my best to perform well in my exams but my parents think that I am useless and can’t do anything. I am not a dumb student. I have secured 78% in my exams. Due to my board class, my parents are not bringing my grandparents to our home but they really want to bring them and I also want that. So now there is more pressure on me. If I am unable to score more than 90% in my exams then it will create a huge problem and my family members will blame my parents only because in my city there is good medical facility comparing to other cities. Please help me. I am under a lot of pressure.

You have secured 78% in your exams; therefore you are not a “dumb student”. Your parents seem to have very big expectations about your future and are not satisfied; they expect more from you. Explain this situation to one of your teachers and ask your parents to talk to him or her, so that they can help them to appreciate your performance and have a more encouraging attitude towards you. Appreciation from the family will give you strength and will inspire you to give your best.

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My friend is in depression since a year or so. And she has been taking counseling sessions as well. Previously it was not that bad an issue but now it is getting worse. She constantly hurts herself, does not sleep for 1-2 days. And now she stays away from everybody. When she is in class she wants to sit alone. She dies not mind being with me. We are not in the same section so even if I want to sit with her, I cannot. But nowadays she does not even share her problems and when I ask she gets irritated. She is very good and sweet person. She loves helping people. She is active on social media and you can say she is a ‘social beauty’. She loves her mother a lot and in comparison to most girls she is very frank with her mother. But since a month ago, she is having some family issues and they are not that close right now. What can I do to help her?

It is sad to read that your friend in depression since one year. She needs expert psychological counseling and proper medical treatment. There is nothing you can do for her, except pray God that he may help her. Let her family deal with this problem.

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I am 17 years old. I have a huge crush on a guy who is about 6-7 years older than me. He is a family friend and I talk to him on Facebook. I have never met him in person but he seems to be a nice person. I am having difficulty in ending my feelings for him. I know these feelings would take me nowhere but only hurt me. I cannot talk about him to a family member because that would only add to my problems and talking to friends didn’t help at all. I am pretty sure he has no feelings for me. I want to end my feelings for him. Please help.

Your problem is about your “feelings” for a guy who is older than you, whom you never met in person and only talk to on Facebook. Feelings come and go many times in life, as they are based on attractions and emotions, not on experience and serious reflection. You write that “he seems to be a nice person” but you are not sure about that. Besides, you are “pretty sure” that he has no feelings for you. Stop living by emotions and attractions as they will take you in a wrong direction and may end up hurting you. Concentrate on your family relationships, your studies and good friends around you. Do not forget to pray God who gave you love and life.

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There’s a girl in my class who seems to love me a lot. She is constantly behind me. But I don’t see her as anything more than a friend. I just cannot get her off my back, no matter what! She just won’t listen to me and I don’t know what to do! How do I make her understand that I only consider her as a friend?

Looks like you are getting an overdose of unwanted attention and you find it quite annoying.

‘m not sure what you’ve told her and how, but be firm and keep saying: I’m not interested in a relationship with you’. Repeat the same sentence each time like a ‘broken record’. It may take a bit of time, but it should sink in!

In addition, I’m sure you know her best friend/s. you can speak to her and ask her to make her friend understand that you are not interested in the relationship.

Be firm. Else, learn to ignore her; it is just a matter of time before she gets bored!

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I perform well in studies but I am a failure in sports. My parents want me to join coaching classes, but I just can’t pick up these games! I can’t bear my parents comparing me with others, particularly my friends. I have seen how girls flock around my friends when they win a match, but nobody talks to me. I feel as if I’m good for nothing.

You’re feeling quite frustrated that you have to ‘conform’ to this ‘imaginary’ standard, especially to gain the approval of your parents and peers. Looks like you’re also feeling hurt and rejected and now see yourself as a ‘failure’.

Think about it…would you really like people to flock and sports. How about looking at both from a different angle and instead ‘enjoying’ whatever you do?

So, whether you take up sports, or music, or become a geek…it is your choice. When you like yourself for who you are without judging yourself and you enjoy what you do, you begin to exude more confidence and happiness…and this is what will attract others to you!

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