Category Ask the Psychologist

I am 14-year-old boy and I have a younger brother. My problem is that even though I do so much to keep my parents happy, they do not appreciate me and instead, insult me in front of others, including my younger brother. I feel that they like my younger brother more than me.

I see that you feel very hurt when your parents insult you, especially in front of others. You feel unappreciated by them, especially when they compare you with your younger brother.

Looks like you go out of your way to make them like you, but it is not working. At this age, most parents expect certain things from children – discipline, focus on academics, being helpful at home, to name a few. So, a good thing to ask yourself is: “Is what I’m doing to make them happy the same as what they expect me to do?” you could make a list of these, or even ask your parents to tell you what they expect, and compare the list and see what you need to change in your actions. However, it also helps to remember that you can’t make someone simply like you by doing things.

So, at the same time, develop your personality in a positive way by focusing on a hobby, on forming supportive friendships and through prayer. If you are a happy and well-adjusted person, people will like you and you will also develop inner strength to face all situations.

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I’m in Class 8. My problem is that I love a boy from another school but I feel he will not love me because the girl whom he truly loved hurt him a lot. He is a very good boy and as friends we share everything. Now I feel like I’ll not be able to live without him. But I’m frightened of my mom. Please help me to come out of these feelings and concentrate on my studies.

You are struggling with your feelings for this boy who has had his heart broken by someone else. You are also afraid of your mother’s reaction to your feelings. At your age, it’s normal to feel very intensely about someone special. These feelings may either pass, or may get deeper as time goes by. Right now, a good thing would be to make friends in your own class and school.

You are soon going to be in Class 9, which is the first step to your future and your career. So, set a timetable, find a study-buddy and set some study goals (such as ‘I will clear my doubts after each chapter’, ‘I will increase my marks by 19 in the next exam’).

Also ensure that you exercise daily or participate in sports, and in other school activities. Develop any hobby or special talent you may have. Make sure you get into a routine, which balances study and relaxation. If you do this, I’m quite sure you – and your mum – will be quite happy!

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I am appearing for Class 12 exams, this year. But I’m not able to decide my career. I am disturbed. I don’t know which field I should go for. I have many hobbies – singing, dancing, acting, public speaking, reading, philanthropy. Sometimes I concentrate on singing, then somebody takes me for dance class and I forget singing and start concentrating on dance. The same thing happens with other hobbies, too. I am not able to decide what I like most.

I can see that you are feeling very confused and are unable to decide your path in life. Your focus seems to be on your hobbies. Hobbies are interests that we usually turn to for relaxation, and not as a career, unless you want to. To help you choose a career, find yours:

Interest and Passion: From all the things that you’re interested in, which are you passionate about? Make a list of the things that you love.

Talent and Aptitude: Then, find whether you’re talented at it or good at it…or whether you show the aptitude or potential for it. Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 for each of the things on your list.

Personality: Does your personality match the career you have chosen? For example if you want to do Marketing, are you willing to go out and meet people? Or do you prefer to be behind a desk?

Research: Take the top three things that you love and that you are fairly good at them. Speak to people who work in the field, seek holiday internships, get as close to the field as possible. Search for courses available, the duration and cost.

Income: Find out how much you can earn from this field.

Skills: Now, choose the one on the top of your list and enroll for the course. Study and work experience will help you develop your talent and build up the skills you need so that you are job ready.

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I am a student of class 10. I keep getting the feeling that I am always being separated or excluded by my friends’ group; not by them but by some other people. I am never treated like one of them. What should I do? Should I live with this or should I not interact with them?

From what you have shared, it seems that there are some others people who do not count you as a member of your friends group and do not treat you equally. This makes you feel hurt and a bit isolated and you wonder whether you should continue to interact with those people.

If your friends treat you as part of the group, and you feel that you belong to that group, then the other people shouldn’t bother you. Ignore them. Instead, talk to your friends about how you feel. If they are your true friends, they will support you, stand by you and make you feel warm and welcome. If they don’t, then find a new set of friends who do.

While we can and do make adjustments because we love the people in our lives, if something is unpleasant and painful, you don’t have to ‘live with’ the situation. You have the full freedom to move on.

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I am in Std XI and in love with a boy from my previous school. We are in a relationship since five months. We don’t get a chance to meet often so after five months he proposed to a girl in his class and broke up with me. The girl rejected his proposal and he came back to me. And now we are again in relationship. But I’m confused as to whether he loves me or not or whether he will break on my heart again. Should I be with him or should I move on?

That boy gets easily infatuated with girls and proposes himself to some of them. He is immature and selfish. Now “he came back” to you and the relationship is going on. There is no guarantee that in future he may not repeat his mistakes. At this point you can continue this relationship at your own risk. Give him a good example of love and care and give him a chance. If he fails again, let him go and move on.

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My younger brother is 13 years old. Since the last 9-10 months he is addicted to playing video games on his cell phone and laptop. He is very moody and rude and whenever my parents take his phone away he doesn’t eat and misbehaves i.e. starts shouting and hitting his parents! He doesn’t concentrate or do any other work, be it studies, prayers or chores. His schedule is school, come home, sit with his phone and then sleep. My parents are having a lot of trouble lately and even I worry about him a lot. He is big enough to understand his priorities. How can I help him?

The responsibility of educating and correcting their children rests, first of all, on the parents. Your parents have probably made the mistake of giving your brother too much too soon: “his cell phone and laptop”. He became selfish, rude and violent: “hitting his own parents”. Obviously your parents and you are having a lot of trouble. At the age of 13 he is not “big enough” to know his duties and respect his family. I suggest at this point that your parents get the help of a psychologist for understanding the root cause of this problem and how to correct it. From your side, help him by giving a good example of respecting your parents and helping them.

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