Category Ask the Psychologist

I am a 14-year-old boy. I love a girl but I am afraid to propose to her because I think that it will spoil over friendship. But my friends insist that I propose to her, I am confused. What should I do?

Do not listen to your friends who want you to propose your “love” to that girl. They may just want to see what will happen and make fun of you. You had better follow your feelings that any such proposal may “spoil” your friendship with her. You are only 14 and need not run to make proposals every time you get emotionally upset. In this moment, a good friendship with that girl is more than enough.

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I’m feeling highly distressed due to the immense pressure my parents are putting on me. They have unrealistic goals for me and want me to excel in all fields including academics. They compare me with other children in our colony, neglect my personal desires and are always dissatisfied with me regardless of my efforts. I want to shift to a hostel because of the repeated fights at my home. I can hardly talk to anyone. Please help.

I feel sorry to read that at the tender age of 13 your parents are putting heavy pressure on you and want you. You should explain this situation to some good family member or school counsellor who can help them to understand your present situation and start encouraging and appreciating you. Teenagers need to feel loved and appreciated in order to grow into mature human beings. Continue doing your best in studies and in your family life. Pray to God and He will also help you.

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I’m studying in Std. XI (Science). I had a lot of friends and was also popular in my friends’ circle. But recently I feel like I have lost them even though I’m in regular contact with them. I like making new friends but I’m a little shy and I don’t have the guts to start a conversation with someone. Please help.

There is a saying: “If you want a friend, be a friend”. You had a lot of friends in the past and were popular with them; therefore you know how to make friends. What you did in the past you can do again in the new situation. If you want love and affection, start by giving them to your new classmates. If you want people to smile at you, start by smiling at others. You have to decide whether to be happy in the new situation or to be lonely. The choice is yours; get up and start smiling and talking with those around you; you will be surprised by their happy response.

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A boy in my tuition class has a crush on me. My friends are always teasing me with his name and making ‘wedding plans’. They say that I like him and that it’s written on my face. After this, that boy is always staring at me in class. How do I get out of this situation?

Your friends are having fun by teasing you about the crush a boy in your tuition class has on you. In the teen age, it is common to get infatuated with a person of the opposite sex. He has this problem now, not you. Let your friends say what they want; they will get fed up of teasing you. As you are not infatuated with him and can say that to him. Request him to stop staring at you. If the situation does not improve you can inform your parents who will talk with him.

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I’m a 20-year-old girl doing B.Tech. for the past one year I have been in a relationship with Saksham but it feels like I am trapped. I can’t let go of him for any reason. Every time he says he wants to break up I start crying. Before him there was Arun whom I loved very much, but I broke up with him because of Saksham. But I think I still have feelings for him. I can’t get over him no matter how much I try. Saksham totally disrespects me but I can’t do anything. I just follow what he tells me to do. He uses bad language with me and slaps me, but I just can’t let go. Due to this my academics are getting affected. Please help.

Though you are an intelligent person doing B.Tech., you are affected by a deep sense of insecurity in life and have surrendered yourself completely to the will of a man who does not respect you, insults you and physically abuses you. You have lost your self-respect and dignity and are unable to decide by yourself what to do in life. You are like a slave in the hands of your master. In your letter you do not give any information about your family background and upbringing; the origin of your problems may be there. Remember that you are a child of God, created by Him to be free and responsible for your life. Take your life into your hands and seek advice from a good family member whom you trust or a professional counsellor.

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I feel shy and nervous to walk through when boys are standing in a group on the way. As I am overweight, I feel shy to participate in any function in school. I hate going out, especially alone, because whatever outfit I wear never suits me. This is why I feel awkward to communicate with others. I always have the feeling that people will make fun of me because I am obese.

I can see that you feel very embarrassed and extremely conscious that you are overweight and hold yourself back from doing many things that you enjoy.

It would be good to visit a doctor to find the cause for your excess weight. If there is no medical cause, you can seek guidance about a diet and exercise routine from the doctor or a nutritionist.

It is important to love and accept yourself if you want others to love and accept you. So, highlight the positive aspects of both your personality and your body. For example, you may have wonderful eyes, and with a little kajal you can highlight their beauty. Work on developing a kind and friendly attitude. Wear a smile and greet others.

Develop your sense of style. Ask a trusted friend to help you choose outfits and accessories that suit you. Today, Plus Sizes have their own flattering fashion styles! Build your confidence and your shyness will disappear slowly. Remember, only you can bring out the best in you!

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