Category Ask the Psychologist

I am in love with a girl who is in her mid-teens. For years i have been following her and have twice declared my love for her. But she says she does not love me, nor does she even want to be my friend. I refuse to take “no” for an answer and insist that she will eventually say “yes”. I cannot concentrate on my studies and my results have started deteriorating. I love her and cannot live without her.

You feel very intensely about this girl to the extent that you seem to be obsessed with her and are losing control over yourself. I do empathize with the tormented feelings that you have.

I am not sure what you mean by ‘following her’, but if it involves tracking her in person or on social media, it amounts to stalking and it is a punishable offence.

Your words ‘refuse’ to take ‘no’ and ‘insist’ that she will say ‘yes’ shows that you want her to respond to you in the way that you want. This girl, like you, is an individual with her own thoughts, feelings, wishes and desires. You cannot force her to feel what she does not, or get her to reciprocate simple because your pride is hurt because she has said ‘No’. a ‘No’ does not mean ‘Yes’ in the long run. A ‘No’ means ‘No’. She is not interested. You don’t seem to really respect her wishes, and that in itself shows that it is not love. If you do have even the smallest feeling for this girl, you will respect this boundary and wish her happiness.

A relationship is a loving, mutual bond between two people. True love is about respecting another, about wanting the other person’s happiness above your own, about being selfless and not expecting anything in return. Tough, but true.

So, if you want a great relationship with a lady, make yourself attractive by being mature, selfless, giving and king. You will learn then attract someone who resonates with you.

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I perform well in studies but i am not able to concentrate on my studies. I have many hobbies such as dancing, painting, sketching, singing, etc. My parents want me to focus on one thing instead of giving time to my hobbies. Please help me to focus on one thing.

It is great to have hobbies along with your studies. However, your parents are right, the time is soon coming for you to focus on the most critical four years of your life – classes 9 to 12.

So, pick any one hobby to seriously pursue along with your studies. For this, you can join a hobby class if possible. As for the rest, don’t give them up..just use them as a means of relaxation between your study sessions.

One of the best ways is to focus on learning for at least two to three 25-minute sessions every day, with a five-minute break in between. In those 25-minute give all your attention to learning and reward yourself at the end of the session by spending time on a hobby, for example, sketching between two study sessions. If you do this, your hobbies will become your friends instead of distracting you from what you truly need to do.

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I’m a student of class 9. I want to take journalism as my career but my parents dream of seeing me as a doctor. I’ve tried several times to confide in them and tell them about my dreams and future plans but they don’t seem to be satisfied. I don’t want to hurt them because they have always done the best for me though we belong to a middle class family. Should i forget about my dream and pursue the career which my parents have selected for me or should I go against the will of my parents and choose journalism as my career?

You should quite keen on becoming a journalist instead of a doctor, so you must be feeling quite frustrated that your parents don’t share your dreams for your future.

If your mind is quite made up, you need to both develop your skills in journalism, and also be knowledgeable about a wide variety of subject areas. Develop your skills by contributing to the school magazine; teen magazines and newspapers; and take part in essay contests and more. Build your writing portfolio or blog. If you do well in these, it will then be easier to convince your parents that this is where your talents lie.

Parents want their children to have a secure future – both in terms of earnings and safety. If you can help them to see that you will be able to earn well in the field and that it is a respectable profession to be in, they will find it easier to see your point of view.
 

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I’m a normal teenager who wishes for a normal life. My problem is my parents want me to live according to their wishes. They never want to know about my dreams. They just want my safety to the point where they enrolled me in a girl’s college with subjects that I don’t want. I get that they are my parents and want my safety; but what kind of parents want their children to do what they want? They never lived like that but why do they put such pressure on me? I feel like running away from everything and living a life by myself for which I don’t have the courage. What can I do?

Seems like you are feeling very stifled by your parents’ over-protectiveness and disregard for your dreams. Looks like you don’t enjoy open communication with them.

You’re adult now, and it would help you if you took a more practical stand. First, take a good look at yourself. Are you clear about what you really want? Are your dreams practical and conventional, or will you be breaking out in a new direction? Also is safety the only reason they have put you in a girl’s college?

Then, take the initiative to meet with your parents. Ask them to help you understand why they have done what they have, and hear them out without judging. Be open to the idea that they may have a better understanding of you than you realize, and what you may be doing right now might turn out to be rocking future for you!

If you’re not convinced, then calmly explain that you do have your own hopes and dreams. Explain your future plans to them in detail keeping in mind your own safety. Ask for their support. You might just be surprised.

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I met a boy on Instagram. He proposed to me one day and we entered into a relationship. We never met. We just used to chat for some time every day. Everything was fine until one day I fell in love with another boy. As my new crush and I became close I blocked my boyfriend saying that my family had come to know about him. After two months I started talking to him again. Now I realize that making a boyfriend online is not right and can be unsafe. As I do not have any boy in my life now, not even my crush, I want to stop all this and focus on my studies and my family. I don’t know how to tell him that I cannot talk to him anymore. I’m afraid he might get upset with me about breaking up again and again and try to cause me harm or leak my number in anger or frustration. What should I do? I want to get away from him as soon as possible!

At the tender age of 14 you are running very fast from one relationship to another and making mistakes in your relationships. You started with a boy you met on Instagram and chatted with him every day. Subsequently you made another boyfriend online and decided to stop the old relationship for the new one. The result is that you do not have a boyfriend now. This negative experience should teach you to stop running after love dreams, which you are not able to handle. The decision you made to stop all this and focus on your studies and your family is the right one and I encourage you to follow it. You will never repent for having done that. Stop chatting online and those boys will forget you and move on.

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I’m addicted to social networking sites. Although I don’t have a personal phone I still have accounts on many social networking sites. I often operate them from my mother’s phone secretly in spite of warnings from my parents. I am not able to focus on my studies and next year is my board exam. Please help me to snap out of it.

Your addiction to social networking sites is playing a negative role in your life. In spite of warnings from your parents you disobey them and often operate these sites secretly from your mother’s phone. You have lost interest in your studies though next year is your board exam. If you continue in this way you will cause pain to yourself and your parents, because you may fall in these exams and be unable to achieve a good education. This will make it difficult for you in future to get a good job. You have to make a choice between entertaining yourself with social networking sites and not achieving a good position in life or concentrate on your studies and be successful in life, making your parents proud of you. Addictions are always bad and I strongly advise you to get out of this addiction which will help your life.

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