Category Ask the Psychologist

Learning is not just something that happens at school, and learning is not dependent on textbooks and formal lessons. A family that is involved, interested, and curious can learn all the time.

The best way parents can encourage learning at home is to he learners themselves. When they read, their kids read. When parents have many interests, kids develop interests and hobbies too. Parents show positive attitudes toward learning whenever they try to master a skill, research a new topic, or spend time at a museum or concert.

An important way parents can enrich their child’s education is to follow up on his interests by providing materials, books, and experiences. With imagination and a creative use of available resources, even parents on the most limited budgets can offer active encouragement.

For example, if a child is interested in rock collecting, here are some of the activities his parents can help with or suggest: he can look for colorful picture guides in the library or on the Internet, go on nature walks to locate specimens, visit collections in local museums and nature centers, and write away for catalogs and free educational materials put out by many corporations and nonprofit organizations. He can join a rock collectors’ club, talk to teenage and adult collectors, trade specimens with his friends, and go to local gem and mineral shows. In addition, he can collect and organize pictures of rocks and minerals from magazines and advertisements. He can subscribe to a specialized magazine, watch educational programs and videos related to geology, keep his own “scientist’s journal,” or arrange his collection in a home-made display case. There’s no limit to the ways parents can follow up on his interest. They should help him find activities that meet his needs and allow him to explore a hobby or skill as fully as he desires.

If he wants to pursue an academic subject, they can encourage him to go beyond the school’s lessons. A child who likes the challenge of math can be introduced to puzzles, brain teasers, chess, new computer software, or topics in logic. There are many math games, puzzles, and curiosities for children available in libraries, book stores, and on the Internet. All will stimulate a child more than the “educational workbooks” often marketed to parents.

Parents can help by talking regularly to their child about his schoolwork, their own interests and work, and current events. Discussions can revolve around sports, the environment, history, popular entertainment, space exploration, fashion, music, or animals. As long as the subject is interesting to the child, the talk will be valuable. Parents should listen carefully to his opinions and questions. That way, he’ll come to see himself as an important participant in family talks.

Sometimes learning at home supplements inadequate learning in school. If a child finds a school subject boring, his parents should try to show that the subject has another side. A child who dislikes creative writing may enjoy hearing about the early experiences of well-known writers, or may enjoy seeing his parents’ own attempts at creative writing.

If he’s having difficulty mastering a school subject, parents can help at home. Sometimes it takes only a few minutes to answer a question; sometimes parents have to do research of their own before they can assist their child. Either way, parents’ involvement will help him do better in school and may spark n new interest for him.

Learning doesn’t have to be parent-initiated. A child can teach his parents and siblings a new skill or share a new fact, and he can learn from his siblings. One child wanted to try cursive writing, a subject not taught in her grade. Her older sister showed her how, using an old workbook for practice.

To enrich your child’s education at home, follow some of these suggestions. Have your child keep a diary or journal, writing in it as often as he likes. Make regular trips to the library and find books your child can read as well as ones you can read to him. Encourage him to read whatever and whenever he can. Have him go online (to sites you approve of). Scan newspapers and magazines together, or get your child his own subscription to a children’s magazine. Collect reference books, dictionaries, an encyclopedia, and educational software for your home library. Periodically post a new vocabulary word on the refrigerator and challenge your child to use it during the week. Go to museums, nature centers, concerts, and plays together. Watch educational programs, particularly ones on nature.

Make learning a pleasurable, shared experience and your child will join in. Don’t give negative judgments about his progress or compare his achievements to his siblings’. He’ll do better without pressure.

If you sense that he’s losing interest in a particular subject or hobby, try a new approach, wait awhile, or look for alternative ways to involve him. There are so many possibilities for learning at home that you’re sure to continue finding interesting and challenging activities.

Picture Credit : Google

Parents often don’t know how their child is doing in school. While they certainly hope her work is average or above average, they have only a vague notion of what the school expects. Curricula vary from school to school, even from class to class. One school system may introduce multiplication tables in second grade while another waits until third or fourth grade. Schools offer only minimal information about coursework and expectations. This makes it difficult for parents to judge how well their child is mastering the material.

If you’re having trouble evaluating your child’s progress, first check the work she’s bringing home. (You may have to search the bottom of her backpack for crumpled papers.) What kinds of assignments is the teacher giving? Are directions clear? Does the level of work seem appropriate?

See what kinds of comments and grades the teacher is putting on the papers. You may be dismayed to find red “X”s and negative comments. Such markings don’t necessarily mean your child is doing poorly. Many teachers single out mistakes, ignoring the many correct answers on a page. Sometimes make your own evaluation of your child’s written work.

Talk to your child about her classwork. Does she feel she’s doing well? Keeping up? Kids usually know where they stand in the class. You may hear, “I keep getting bad grades on my spelling papers,” or, “I finish reading before anyone else does.”

You can learn about the school’s curriculum and standards by talking to your child’s friends—those in her class and those in other classes. Ask what they’re doing in school. Be specific: “Are you on subtraction? Have you studied the planets? Do you write reports?”

Whenever you have questions, talk to your child’s teacher. Find out specifically what material is covered in class. Ask for suggestions to improve your child’s performance and offer any suggestions you may have.

Report cards are the standard means of teacher-to-parents communication. Yet, a series of check marks or letter grades without written comments is often not enough. Does a “B” in social studies mean your child is truly mastering the subject, or does it mean she’s a cooperative student who hands in her worksheets on time?

You want your child to get good marks and you also want to know that she’s learning. Unfortunately, grades don’t always reflect mastery. One second-grader, for instance, had neat, legible handwriting. Her teacher wanted her to write on paper with oversized lines. The girl had trouble making exaggerated letters and therefore was given a low grade even though her writing looked like that of an older student. Another child was good at math, but balked at doing repetitive, easy drill work. He got a low grade that did not reflect his high mathematical ability.

At times you may feel your child is receiving a mark that’s too high. You know she doesn’t understand her science book, yet the teacher gives her a high grade for being neat and paying attention. Since grades may or may not accurately reflect progress, rely on your instincts as well as on graded papers and report cards when judging your child’s achievements.

You can sometimes learn more about how she’s doing by examining the results of standardized tests. After she’s been tested at school, ask if you can see the results, including a comparison of her scores with those of her peers. If the school isn’t required to disclose results, consider having your child tested by an educational specialist. If the testing shows she’s learning well, you’ll feel reassured. If it shows less favorable results, the specialist may be able to discover the reasons your child is not doing as well as you’d like.

Picture Credit : Google

Learning should be an exciting part of a young child’s life. Children these ages are striving to be competent and successful in school. Yet, they often say, “I hate school. It’s so boring!” They drag their heels when it’s time to go in the morning, and they come home with nothing to report.

There are many reasons why a child might find school boring. The work may be too easy and presented too slowly, too much time may be spent preparing for standardized testing, or there may be too much paperwork and not enough hands-on experiences: “The teacher does all the science projects and we just get to watch.” A child with an active mind needs a challenge, and a curriculum geared toward a child with average intelligence will not meet the needs of brighter students. Since many school programs are inflexible, teachers often give faster students “busy work”—coloring, additional workbook pages, cleaning chores __while the rest of the class catches up. Naturally, someone in this situation will be frustrated and bored.

A slow learner also may claim to be bored. The work may move too quickly for him to understand or so slowly that he loses all interest. After a few tries, he may give up and daydream. School seems boring, and he may easily view himself as a failure.

Children may feel distracted and disinterested if they’re unhappy with themselves. A child feeling parental pressure to succeed may dislike school and say it’s boring. Likewise, a child experiencing problems at home may be too preoccupied to focus on learning. And, if at any point during the day he’s hungry or tired, he may complain of boredom.

Since “school’s boring” can mean so many things, parents have to find the cause of their child’s complaints. Occasional dissatisfaction is normal, but repeated claims should be taken seriously.

Talk to your child about the problem: “Can you tell me why you’re bored?” Try to assess the situation from his response. Is class work too easy? Too hard? Is something bothering him socially or at home? Does he have school friends? Do children tease him? When you’ve isolated the probable causes of his boredom, ask what changes he’d like to see: “How could your teacher make reading more interesting?” “Would you feel better about going to school if Dad and I were calmer in the mornings?”

If you discover that problems at home are the root of your child’s unhappiness, you can try to remedy the situation yourself or seek professional guidance. Often, a few changes—spending more time with him, easing up on parental pressure—will make it easier for him to concentrate on schoolwork.

If the school curriculum is causing boredom, talk to the teacher. If the material is too difficult, ask how she can accommodate your child’s needs. Perhaps he requires more concrete examples or more time to complete classwork. Ask if the teacher can involve you with teaching certain material at home.

If your child is bored because the work moves too slowly, let the teacher know that busy work is not acceptable. Ask if he can go to the library, use the computer, read a book, write a story, help another student, or go on to the next lesson when he’s done his work early. If you don’t push for such changes, the teacher won’t see the need to stimulate him and he may finish the year with a sense of loss and frustration.

If you’re dissatisfied with the teacher’s response to the problem of boredom, discuss the matter with the principal. Ask for suggestions and seek ways you and the school can work together to have your child’s needs met.

Ultimately, you may not be able to make your child’s school experience less boring. Yet, you still have choices. You can talk to school district officials, you can work with an advocacy group that pushes for improvements in education, you can investigate transferring your child to another public school, or you can enroll him in a private school. The expense of a private school has to be weighed against the dramatic improvement you may see in his educational development.

School boredom is a major problem. Kids spend their formative years in school—precious time that should not be wasted. Parents have the responsibility to monitor their child’s education and do all they can to ensure quality in the classroom.

Picture Credit : Google

Parents feel dissatisfaction at times with their child’s teachers; the teachers may not be meeting the child’s needs or may be cold or inattentive. Parents become aware of problems through their child’s complaints: “The teacher wouldn’t let me go outside today because I laughed at Matt’s joke.” “Every time anybody talks she says ‘shhh.” “My teacher wouldn’t let me finish my math problems because she said I was taking too long.”

Parents get to observe the teacher themselves during field trips and classroom visits. The teacher sets the tone in a class; her personality and teaching style determine how the standard curriculum will be taught. When parents are unhappy with her manner or approach, they often feel helpless. Yet they have more power to initiate classroom changes than they realize.

If they suspect a problem, they should listen carefully to their child’s description of what goes on in the classroom. Are her complaints consistent? Is her work or self-esteem hampered by the teacher? What seems awful to a child one day may be insignificant the next, or may have no lasting negative effects. Also, kids sometimes exaggerate, especially as a way of avoiding a reprimand. For example, a child who did not complete an assignment may blame the teacher: “It’s not my fault. She never gives us enough time.”

If a child’s complaints seem to have merit, parents should call or email the teacher: “My son says you’ve been dissatisfied with his social studies work and he doesn’t understand why.” Parents also can plan to meet with the teacher. Either option can be difficult for parents who dislike confrontation or who fear that an angry teacher will retaliate against their child. While some teachers may do this, most will listen to parents and try to work out solution to classroom problem. As long as parents present their concerns in a respectful way, they have little to fear. However, regardless of the teacher’s response, it’s the parents’ right and responsibility to set up a conference and try to improve their child’s classroom experience.

If you request a meeting with the teacher, prepare ahead of time. Gather facts and notes and have suggestion and solutions in mind. Begin the meeting on a positive note: “You and I have best interest in mind. What can we do together to improve her schoolwork and make her feel better about herself?”

Make reasonable requests: “If you give Andrew a little more notice about his assignments, he’ll have an easier time finishing them.” “I think Mia would feel more interested and challenged if you moved her to another reading group.” Tell the teacher about approaches that work at home: “John generally does better when he gets some positive feedback.” Ask for her ideas and suggestions. She should be willing to make the changes you request or to explain why such changes are impossible.

 Throughout the conference, remember to speak mildly and respectfully. Many teachers feel vulnerable talking to parents and become defensive if they perceive parents to be hostile or aggressive. Let the teacher know you sympathize with her workload and the difficulty of teaching so many students at once. You aren’t there to attack her teaching methods, but rather to come up with solutions and compromises. Give careful thought to her opinions and recommendations since she may offer valuable insights. You should leave the conference with a clear understanding of how you and she will work together to make changes.

Let your child know ahead of time about the conference. She too may be afraid the teacher will “take out” her anger in the classroom. Assure her that it’s fine for teachers and parents to meet. Ask if there are some things she’d rather you not mention during the conference and as much as possible, respect her wishes. If she’s very worried, tell the teacher during the conference: “Kara is afraid you’ll be angry with her after this meeting.” When the conference is over, let your child know something of what went on: “Your teacher was glad to meet me.” “She answered my questions and is going to give you more time to finish your reading.” You should also pass on the teacher’s suggestions.

After the conference, you’ll have to wait and see if the teacher makes the changes she promised. You’ll also have to see if she does, after all, react negatively to your child. If you aren’t satisfied, contact the principal to discuss your concerns. Gently but firmly pursue your child’s interests. If you’re unhappy with the principal’s response, you might want to contact her supervisor.

 You can resolve many school problems if you’re persistent. However, in spite of your best efforts, you may eventually fail to improve your child’s situation. Many teachers, administrators, and school systems are inflexible. If you can’t get improvements, you have several choices: you can accept the facts and offer more home enrichment and encouragement; you can hope that next year will be better, or you can consider enrolling your child in another public or private school. Let your decisions be guided, as always, by what’s best for your child.

Picture Credit : Google

As children enter elementary school, they have their first experience with homework. Kindergartners and first graders usually have minimal assignments, while older children are gradually given more. Some teachers assign work every night and some give homework every Monday to be completed by Friday. Many kids resist doing their homework, causing family struggles and frustration.

“Why won’t she finish her reading and be done with it?” “Why do I have to yell before he’ll get started?” “Why does she wait until the last minute?” Parents want their child to be responsible and do her work carefully and on time. They don’t like resorting to arguments, bribes, and threats.

There are many reasons why children struggle with homework. Assignments may be confusing: “Did she say finish page thirty-three or thirty-six?” “I don’t remember what to do with these math problems.” A child who has difficulty in school or who lacks the skills to complete her work may become angry and refuse to do—or even acknowledge—assignments: “I hate homework!” “I don’t have any homework.”

Many kids are bored with their assignments and are therefore reluctant to do them: “I already know how to spell these science words.” Common weekly tasks have students copying spelling words over and over or coloring in mimeographed pictures. Even to parents, assignments can seem time-consuming and pointless.

Some children have problems with homework because of their schedules. They go from school to after-school activities or child care and may not arrive home until early evening. With limited time to eat dinner, be with family and friends, and relax, a child may put off homework.

Parents may find that struggles intensify in the evening. If a child is too tired or too distracted to do homework at night, her parents should encourage her to get some or all of it done after school. Most child care centers provide a quiet workspace. If she comes home in the afternoon, her parents can arrange a flexible schedule of play and homework. This is usually better than a rigid requirement to finish homework first.

To help your child become more responsible about homework, try some of these suggestions. Have her write down assignments in a special notebook. When she comes home from school, find out what her homework instructions are. That way you’ll learn what she’s doing in school and when she has long assignments. This will help you avoid late-night surprises: “I just remembered. My book report and poster are due tomorrow.” One father found himself at the drugstore at 9:00 at night buying supplies for his son’s school project.

Sit with your child while she does homework. Since the kitchen is often the center of family activity, have her work at the table while you prepare food, read, or pay bills. Take short breaks together. Offer your help, but be prepared for possible arguments about assignments. Kids often take their anger out on parents since they can’t yell at a teacher. Your child might resist your suggestions: “It doesn’t matter if it’s neat.” “That’s not the way my teacher said to do it.” “I know my vocabulary words. I don’t need to go over them.” Be gentle when pointing out mistakes, and, if necessary, set limits on your child’s way of expressing herself: “When you can explain what you need in a calmer way, I’ll be happy to help you.” Occasionally, if she’s bogged down with repetitive work you know she understands, it’s all right to help her out with answers.

If she has trouble with a particular subject, consider offering more intensive help yourself or hiring a tutor. If your child consistently struggles to complete assignments, speak to the teacher. The work may be inappropriate or too difficult. You should work with the teacher to improve your child’s academic experiences, including homework.

Your child will probably continue to need reminders about homework. At times you’ll have to be firm: “You have to start your homework right now.” By third or fourth grade, although she’ll still need some help, she will be more responsible about getting her work done independently.

Picture Credit : Google

First grade is very different from kindergarten and preschool, with new demands, expectations and experiences. Parents and children look forward to first grade because it’s the beginning of “real school” and a sign of growing up. They also feel anxious and uncertain, however, and in the case of parents, nostalgic about the passing of the preschool years.

Some children are better prepared than others for the increased demands of first grade. Age is an important factor, since children sometimes aren’t developmentally ready for first grade until they’ve almost turned seven. Children just turning six at the beginning of first grade may not adjust as well as those with earlier birthdays.

A child’s adjustment is also affected by his home situation. If he has a new sibling, if his family has just moved, or if there’s tension between his parents, he may enter first grade feeling insecure or fearful. Any negative experience outside of school—including a bad time at summer camp—can interfere with his school performance.

On the positive side, he will have an easier time adjusting to first grade if he has friends in his class and if he has a warm and attentive teacher. A caring teacher knows that first graders arrive with varying academic skills, social skills, and experiences. She will patiently help her students get over their fears and hesitations and offer them support and encouragement.

Most kids feel better about first grade if they’re familiar with the school and the classroom. Ideally, kindergartners should be invited to their future first-grade classrooms to meet the teachers. If this doesn’t happen, parents can prepare their child by talking about first grade and encouraging him to ask questions.

Once first grade starts, some kids say, “I love school!” and go off happily each day. Others have a hard time getting along. They may be unhappy and hesitant, or they may resist going. They may feel insecure if other students seem able to read and write. They’ll feel inferior if they’ve been placed in the low reading group. Although parents want to be sympathetic, many get angry and frustrated with their child’s complaints about going to school: “Why can’t he just be like the other kids?”

You may find yourself intolerant of your child’s attitude if you feel guilty or embarrassed. But if you lose patience and pressure your child to do well in school, such pressure puts him in a bind. He wants to please you, yet he can’t fully control his feelings and actions. Often, if you are understanding and supportive for the first few weeks of school, your first grader will get over his initial anxiety.

If your child is having trouble adjusting to first grade, there are many ways to help. First, stay in close contact with the teacher. She may give you a fuller picture of his behavior. While you see him go off hesitantly, she may see him joining in class activities and getting along with other children. Even the most reluctant first-graders have good periods during the day. They feel sad or lonely sometimes, but at other times they’re fine.

Help him connect with another child who rides the same school bus. Consider telling the bus driver or the parents you carpool with about your child’s reluctance to go to school. If you usually drive him yourself, consider asking another parent to give him a ride in the morning. Some kids have an easier time separating if they aren’t with their parents during the moments before school starts. Your child may be entertained or distracted if he goes to school with another family.

Try giving him a “love note” to carry in his pocket or offer a reward at the end of the day. It can be a small toy or sweet treat for entering school with a smile and not crying during the day.

If he’s having trouble making friends, encourage him to invite classmates to your house and talk about other ways of getting to know kids. Having him join a club or after-school activity will help him meet others and feel more connected to the school.

You may have success with role-playing games. Suggest that you and he play school – you’ll be the student and he’ll be the parent. Use real situations that come up in first grade. Have the “student” cry in class and ask the “parent” what to do. You may be surprised at the good suggestions your child comes up with. He may say, “Call your friend and ask him to go to school with you.” Role playing can be therapeutic for him, and it can offer you insights into his difficulties. If you’re having success with this approach, try it once a day for a week or so. For your story themes, choose adjustment to school, sadness about leaving home, schoolwork, and other topics that seem to bother him.

If after several weeks, you see no improvement in his attitude toward first grade, talk to the school counselor or principal and ask her to observe him in the classroom. Perhaps she can suggest some solutions. In addition, consider his readiness for first grade. Does his social and emotional development seem slower than that of his classmates? Does he seem too young for first grade? Is the classroom atmosphere appropriate for him? Are the teachers’ expectations realistic? Even if he’s not quite ready for the demands of first grade, it’s likely that he’ll adjust as long as you continue to be patient, offer help with his work, and seek support from the school.

Picture Credit : Google