Category Ask the Psychologist

I am a JEE aspirant. I try my best to study and also understand the concepts in my syllabus easily. But the problem is that I can’t get time to study and also plenty of work is given. I spend 2-3 hours watching the phone and wasting my time which is stopping my studies and other good habits like reading, too. It’s affecting my performance as I am always tempted to use my phone and end up wasting my time. How can I focus more?

Looks like the large amount of work given may be overwhelming you a bit and as an escape you are turning towards your phone.

Here are a few tips:

1. Focus on what is important: If your career/JEE is important, then prioritize your studies. Know the impact if you don’t – it will surely make everything urgent and last minute, which will stress you further, and pull you away from your goal.

2. Begin the day with exercise: It will get your brain working.

3. Study in 25-minute slots. Study for 25 minutes, take a 5-minute break, back for another 25 minutes and then a 10-minute break. Repeat 25-5-25, then take a longer 30-minute break. In the 25-minute period, commit to focusing and quality learning. No distractions. Do two, maximum three of these 25-5-25-10-25-5-25 cycles in the day (i.e. 4-6 hours of quality learning).

4. Study in high-energy periods; take a break in your low energy periods.

5. In the 5-minute break, avoid the phone and instead do some physical/manual/creative activity to give your brain rest, e.g., singing, art, dance, exercise, housework, etc.

6. Manage the mobile: Allot a separate time – maximum 30 minutes – for using your mobile without any guilt. While studying either give your phone to your mom or make it a friend – set a timer on it.

Prioritize your goals and your dreams and you will succeed. Remember, you have the same number of hours in a day as other successful people. Like them, use your time well.

Picture Credit : Google 

 I will be leaving my town for my final years of high school. It will be my first time away from home. I do know this is for my benefit but I can’t help but think about my best friend. We’re extremely close and she’s my only friend in town. I haven’t told her that I’m going away. What should i do?

You sound a bit apprehensive about moving away from home for your final years of high school, despite acknowledging that it is for your benefit. It seems like you are feeling guilty that you haven’t told your best friend about it yet.

Take some time and reflect on two things:

a) How are you feeling about going away – are you happy or unhappy? Are you worried? Clarify your feelings.

b) What is stopping you from telling her about it? – Do you think she will get upset or angry with you? Do you fear your friendship may end? And she will find new friends? Do you feel bad that you’re leaving?

Ask her for her time and share the news with her. Share how you feel about going away and check in on how she is feeling too. When the time feels right, discuss the impact your move will have on your friendship and what can the both of you do about it.

Please do this as soon as possible. She will surely be shocked to hear this at the last minute or from someone else, so better tell her now than later.

Picture Credit : Google 

I had a boyfriend and my parents found out about him. After that many restrictions were put on me. My mom is completely orthodox and keeps abusing me the whole day over this issue. I have ended my relationship with him for my family but they still don’t trust me and keep abusing me. I feel like committing suicide. Please help me.

Dear, it is painful to experience lack of trust and abuses from one’s own family members (especially from the mother) because of having a boyfriend. You knew that, in spite of living in a cosmopolitan city like Mumbai, your mom is “completely orthodox” and probably also your other family members; this means they do not accept that boys and girls build up close relationships. Maybe they thought you were spending a lot time with that boy or neglecting your studies because of him and wanted to put an end to it (as you have done). It will never be stressed enough that in the family parents should never abuse their children, rather they should build a patient and loving dialogue with them, especially during the teenage, order to help understand each other and solve peacefully any problem.

Picture Credit : Google 

I am good to my parents, but very often when I talk to my mother I lose my cool. It doesn’t mean that I shout at her, but I become more annoyed with her and not with my father. I know a mother really loves her child but when I hear her say something against me I just feel so lonely, as if there is no one to love me! I am so depressed with this attitude.

Hi dear,  parents show their love for their children not only when they praise and appreciate them but also when they correct them and show displeasure at some wrong behaviour. This is a sacred right and duty of every parent. Listen carefully when your mother corrects you; most probably you deserved her correction. She is not against you but actually showing her love and care in correcting you, so that you will improve yourself. Be more humble and change your attitude.

Picture Credit : Google 

I have a crush on a girl in my class. She knows about this but she likes someone else from her previous school. Please give me some tips on how to impress her so that she at least starts liking me.

Dear , more than tips on how to impress that girl “so that she at least starts liking” you, you need to learn to respect other people’s feelings. If she likes someone else more than you, respect her, be patient and behave in a friendly way, without trying to impress her at any cost. Offer her help if she needs it, smile and be polite. A good performance in your studies may also bring you to her notice. At the age of 14 your studies should be your priority.

Picture Credit : Google 

I recently changed schools. I used to like a boy from my previous school until last year, after which I realized that it was a hopeless crush and moved on. I’ve been in contact with all my old friends, including him, through Facebook, where after many chats he confessed that he liked me a lot and we entered into a relationship. It was wonderful in the beginning, but then I learned that he is jealous of me and everything I did. He is intensely jealous of the boys I talk to at my new school. It suffocates me that he is so clingy. He is one of the few good friends I have, and I’m afraid that breaking up with him might spoil our friendship.

Dear, you were right in judging your relationship with that boy as just “a hopeless crush”. Unfortunately, your many chats with him on Facebook made you enter a relationship with him. Now you have realized his true colours: he is jealous of you and everything you do, is arrogant and rude and seems to like you more for your physical qualities than for your intelligence. Your decision to break up with him is the right thing to do. Do not allow him to dominate your life and suffocate you. A person who behaves like that cannot be considered “one of the few good friends” you have. Stop wasting your time with him.

Picture Credit : Google