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Everyone likes to touch interesting and attractive objects. Adults in stores are drawn to gadgets they can manipulate and products they can pick up and feel. Children also want to handle what they see in stores, but many store owners and parents are too impatient or fearful to let children touch.

Touching is one of the main ways a child learns about things around her, especially in new surroundings. She explores with her hands and often can only “see” something by feeling it. One three-year-old told her mother, who was holding an interesting object right in front of her daughter’s eyes, “I can’t see that far.” The child was really saying that she wanted to touch.

When children shop with their parents, struggles often develop as parents pick up, handle, and buy items, and children want to do the same. And because most stores try to display their products in the most attractive and appealing ways possible, the temptations for a child to touch are great. Parents usually keep their children from handling merchandise because they’re worried about items getting broken. While it’s true that young children don’t understand the consequences of breaking things, it’s also true that most children, if properly supervised, won’t hurt items in a store. Parents can hold fragile objects for close-up viewing or gentle touching, and can allow their children, within limits, to pick up interesting merchandise.

Sometimes a child will feel satisfied in a store if she is just given enough time to examine an object. Parents are often in too much of a hurry while shopping to wait while she looks at boxes of paint brushes or piles of scarves. But many struggles can be avoided if parents slow down a bit and allow an extra few minutes for her interests.

Some stores make shopping easier by providing toys and play areas for children. If possible, try to patronize such stores and let the owners know that you value their service. Always support their efforts by watching your child while she’s in the play area and by straightening up some of the toys before you leave the store. If children are left unsupervised and store employees have to take complete responsibility for clean up, owners may discontinue the service.

Although play areas are very helpful, most of the stores you shop in will not have them and will show little tolerance for children. Since that’s the case, carry small toys from home when you shop with your child, or have her bring a backpack with her choice of a few small items. Such playthings may distract her from some, but not all, of the attractive merchandise around her. When parents, store owners, and employees recognize and become more patient with children’s needs to see, touch, and explore, shopping will become easier for everyone.

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Childproofing the home is important because young children explore indiscriminately. If an object is within reach, a child under three will touch it without considering his own safety or the value of the object. Because young children have such a strong natural compulsion to touch, see, and explore, their parents have to protect them and make their environment safe. But parents also have to balance their child-proofing with an understanding of their child’s need to explore.

Most parents know to put plugs in electrical sockets, to put locks on cabinets containing dangerous substances, to keep plants and sharp items out of reach, and to put away valuables. But beyond that, they wonder how much accommodating they should do. Some parents feel they should teach their child the meaning of “no” by leaving out objects that he’s not allowed to handle: “Sooner or later, he’s going to have to learn not to touch everything.” Other parents leave out forbidden objects or refuse to let their child touch accessible items in order to train him to behave well in other people’s homes. One mother who wouldn’t let her son play behind the living room curtains, said, “I don’t care about my own curtains but I’m afraid he’ll play with the curtains at his friend’s house.” Such fears prevent many parents from allowing their child to explore his own house. Yet, children can be allowed to touch and play with things at home and taught not to do the same thing at other people’s homes.

Parents who leave out knickknacks and declare many items and appliances untouchable find themselves in constant conflict with their child, who simply does not have the impulse control to resist touching. One common battleground is the kitchen. Frustrated parents who don’t understand the developmental urge to explore sometimes try to limit their child’s access to the dishwasher, trash can, and refrigerator by tying up doors and lids. Yet, such denial may only make him more frantic to experiment with the interesting appliances he sees his parents use. He may run to the kitchen every time he hears the refrigerator open, or he may struggle to climb on the dishwasher door to get at the silverware. He just wants to touch, but parents often expect too much from a child under three and then feel drained by having to say “no” all day.

It’s certainly true that a child needs limits, but he will inevitably learn his limitations because there are dangerous and valuable objects that can’t be put away: a fireplace, lamps, a TV, a stereo. There is no need to intentionally leave out other forbidden things, just as there is no need to automatically declare all appliances off-limits. The dishwasher for instance, won’t need to be tied up if parents keep some spoons and plastic dishes and cups within their child’s reach inside and let him occasionally practice taking them out and putting them back. Likewise, if parents put some healthy snacks on the bottom shelf of the refrigerator, their child will probably feel satisfied to help him-self to those without feeling a need to touch everything else in the refrigerator. If parents are firm about not letting their child handle a few items, but otherwise allow him freedom to touch, both he and they will not be overly frustrated during this developmental stage. The more freedom he has, the more likely he’ll be to listen when they tell him not to touch.

Once you have fully childproofed your home, you’ll feel comfortable leaving your child alone in one room for a brief time while you work or answer the phone in another room. If you have limited the number of objects he may not touch, you won’t feel tense when he explores. However, expect to keep reminding him of his limits; his urge to touch is so strong that he may not be able to stop himself.

If you want to keep your child from handling things at someone else’s house, try telling him ahead of time, “I know you play with the cushions here, but when we’re at Grandma’s you can’t do that.” You might find that your child is more cautious when he’s away from home and that he does less exploring in other people’s homes than you expected.

Whenever you visit, you may have to do some temporary childproofing, especially if your host has no young children. Ask if you can temporarily move fragile items. Most people will understand, particularly if you offer to put the objects back in place before you leave.

Childproofing is basically a way of accommodating the normal developmental needs of a child under three. Young children want to touch and try everything, so if you prepare for this stage, you will have an easier time getting through it. And, although it may seem to you that the touching phase will never end, you’ll see a gradual decrease in your child’s need to explore everything in sight. By the time he’s three and one-half, he’ll gain more understanding about objects, safety, and impulse control, and have less need to touch. You will then be able to put back on your tables and shelves many of the objects you had to keep out of reach.

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After a child has been walking for a month or so, she’ll probably start climbing on chairs, beds, couches, counters, and anything else she can reach. She climbs because she has a strong urge to touch and explore things around her. When she sees her parents doing seemingly magical things like talking on the phone, washing dishes, turning on the lights, or opening doors, she wants to get closer and imitate them. And in order to do that-to reach the phone or the desktop-she has to climb.

The climbing stage can be difficult for parents because they have to keep their child safe, and that can mean almost constant supervision. If they leave her alone for even a few moments, they may hear the sound of a chair scraping along as she prepares for her next climb. They often stop her from climbing because they fear for her safety, or because furniture might be damaged, or simply because they don’t want her to climb just then. But her urge to climb is strong and she may get angry and frustrated when she’s held back. Then her parents will either have to deal with her behavior or try to distract her.

A child who climbs during the day may climb out of her crib at night or at naptime, either to be with her parents or to explore the room. Parents often are surprised the first time this happens. One mother put her child in the crib for a nap, and then went to take a shower. As she was lathering her hair, she heard a noise in the bathroom and looked out to see her daughter standing there.

It’s almost impossible to force your child to stay in her crib, but you can take precautions to make her climbing safer. If she is consistently climbing out of her crib, clear the nearby area and be sure there are no toys or pieces of furniture for her to trip or fall on. Close the stairway gates whenever she’s in her crib, and use a night light in the hall so she can see if she climbs out during the night. If you feel she’s ready, you might want to put the crib away and have her sleep in a bed.

To keep her safe and satisfied during the day, try at times to make climbing easy for her. You might give her a small stepstool to carry around or get a small piece of indoor climbing equipment, such as a slide, for her to play on safely. You also can place a chair near a window so she can look out, take cushions off your couch so she can climb on them, or even put a mattress on the floor so she can climb, jump, and explore in safety.

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Young children spend so much time running, climbing, and jumping that minor injuries are inevitable. Sometimes a child is so absorbed in play that she ignores her scrapes and goes right back to her game, perhaps after yelling, “You bumped me, you stupid chair.” At other times, especially when she’s tired, she may cry for a long time after a fall.

A child’s reaction to an injury often depends on who’s around her. Since she feels most comfortable expressing her feelings to her parents, she might cry or complain more about a fall when they’re with her. Many parents have seen their child fall, get up looking unhurt, and then start crying as soon as she sees them. A child cries like this because she wants to be comforted. If her parents are not close by, she may comfort herself or seek help from another child or adult. Adults react the same way to their own injuries: when an adult bumps into something at home where he’s comfortable, he’ll express his pain, but if he hurts himself away from home, he’s likely to hide his discomfort.

The way a child reacts to a fall also depends on her age. A very young child is much more likely than a four- or five-year-old to cry after a minor injury. One five-year-old told her friend, “Just don’t think about your cut and it won’t hurt anymore.”

Many children want Band-Aids for every scrape and bruise. Band-Aids seem magical to a young child because she believes that once small cuts are covered up, they’re gone. Parents can make Band-Aids easily accessible and should let their child wear one whenever she thinks she needs it, even if she just wants to cover an old scab she’s rediscovered-the comfort is worth the small expense.

Just as children react in different ways to injuries, so do parents. Some minimize their child’s pain and say, “You’re OK. Stop crying.” Others offer to rub or kiss the sore spot. Certainly children need comfort when they’re upset after a fall, and they need to know their parents understand: “Yes, I know it really hurts when you scrape your knee.” But children get hurt so frequently that it can be hard for parents constantly to comfort and reassure. Yet, some young children seem to need attention for each new cut, bump, or bruise.

Parents should try not to overreact to their child’s injuries. Some parents, who usually realize they’re overreacting but have trouble con-trolling their impulses, rush to their child after a fall, anxiously asking, “Are you all right?” When a child sees her parents looking so concerned, she may start to cry simply because she thinks something must be wrong. If parents continually overreact, she may eventually feel that she’s incapable of making herself feel better, and that she should seek help for even minor accidents.

Some parents are very uncomfortable seeing their son cry after a fall. They may tell him, “You’re a big boy, you can handle it. It’s only a little cut.” Even now, there are parents who think it’s all right for girls, but not for boys, to cry. Parents should remember that young children of both sexes sometimes need comfort and sometimes need to handle minor injuries on their own.

When you watch your child playing, you probably warn her about dangerous situations: “Don’t climb up there or you’ll fall!” If she climbs and falls anyway, you may have a hard time being sympathetic. It’s tempting to say, “I told you you’d get hurt if you played like that,” but if your child is in need of comfort, she will feel rejected by such a statement and not understand the safety message you intend. In such a situation, you should pay attention to her pain while also telling her that what she did was unsafe.

On rare occasions, your child’s injury may be serious enough for a trip to the doctor or the hospital. A serious accident is always frightening for parents and children, especially if there’s a great deal of rush and concern. If your child needs special treatment, reassure her: “I know your arm hurts and I’m going to see what we can do to make you feel better. That’s why we’re going to the hospital.”

Try to remain calm and explain (or ask the doctors or nurses to explain) the medical procedures to your child. Let her know if she will be put on a stretcher or in a papoose, and if a particular procedure will be painful. You and she may not be able to avoid pain and unpleasantness in this situation, but you can be there to help her and go with her to the treatment room if permitted.

It’s always hard to see your child in pain after a serious accident, and you might feel better if you bring someone along to help and com-fort you-a friend, neighbor, or relative. As one mother said after her daughter received stitches, “I hear about this happening to other children, but it’s very different when it happens to your own.”

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Toddlers scramble out of their strollers, climb on anything handy, and insist on being picked up because they want to see better and reach farther. When a child stands on the floor, he can’t look out of most windows. Beds and toilets seem very high and big, and doorknobs and light switches are unreachable.

In public places, almost nothing is placed at a child’s eye level. One mother walked into a health clinic and introduced her three-year-old son to the receptionist, who was sitting behind a high counter. The boy couldn’t see anyone to say hello to and just stared at the wall in front of him until the woman peeked over to look at him.

When a child goes to a public bathroom, the toilets, sinks, towels, and dryers are all out of reach. Most water fountains are too high for him to use and most of the interesting features of stores and restaurants—cash registers, cafeteria counters, bakeries bins—are out of sight. When he has to sit in a stroller, his view is even more limited.

To see what your child sees, get down to his level and look around. You won’t see your own kitchen sink or the tops of your tables. In a store, you won’t be able to look at what people are doing behind counters or see most of the interesting merchandise. You’ll notice that at nursery schools and day care centers everything is at eye level, and all the tables, chairs, and shelves are easy for children to reach.

Once you see how unsatisfying your child’s view can be, you’ll understand why he wants to climb and be carried. Pick him up often so he can see what is happening around him, let him sit on store counters (while you carefully supervise), and provide safe stools or pillows at home so he can climb a little and see more of his world.

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A child will begin to walk as soon as he’s developmentally ready. For some children that means at nine months; for others, eighteen months. The age at which a healthy child walks has no effect on or connection with his intelligence, yet parents often feel pressure if their child is a late walker. Friends and relatives may ask, “Are you sure he’s all right? Why isn’t he walking yet?” or say, “My daughter was walking when she was ten months old and your child’s already seventeen months”, or, “Maybe your son needs to be around other children so he can learn by watching them”. Such comments cause parents needless anxiety because there’s nothing wrong with a developmentally healthy child who doesn’t walk until he’s fifteen to eighteen months old.

There’s no need to try and teach a child to walk. Although it might be fun for you to hold your child’s hands and let him walk along, such an exercise will not help him walk alone any faster. Try to be patient and wait until he’s ready for this stage of development.

He’ll prepare for independent walking by first learning to pull himself up to a standing position while holding onto furniture. Once he’s mastered this skill (which might take days, weeks, or even months), he’ll begin to take steps while holding onto furniture or onto his parent’s hand. Eventually, he’ll let go and take some steps alone. A child who starts walking is usually so delighted with himself that he hardly notices his frequent falls.

As he begins to stand and walk, his perspective will change. Before, he looked at everything from ground level, but once he’s upright, he’ll see more. People, objects, and even his own body will look different. He’ll be able to reach more things and to roam farther and faster, and that means his parents will have to continue childproofing his environment.

You’ll find that one of the most delightful aspects of this developmental stage is your child’s ability to go for walks with you. As soon as he’s steady on his feet, take him for a leisurely stroll outside. Walk at his pace, sometimes letting him choose the direction, and see how many wonderful discoveries he makes. He’ll want to stop and examine pebbles, grass, worms, and flowers, and if you bring a collecting bag along, he can take some treasures home.

The more your child walks, the less he’ll want to use his stroller, which can cause problems when you’re in a hurry or when you’re going far. If you’re in a crowded shopping center and want to encourage him to stay in his stroller, try distracting him with food or a toy. If this doesn’t work, try to find an uncrowded spot where he can walk for a little while without bumping into people. Often, he’ll want to push the stroller himself, and in a crowd this can cause quite a fuss. If you let him push for a little while, he may be more agreeable when you place him back in his stroller. Although his slowness and desire to practice his new skill may temporarily frustrate you, you’ll enjoy his excitement and independence. And you may be surprised to see that once he masters walking, he’ll be just as likely to run as to walk.

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