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Crawling is an important stage in development, and parents watch with delight as their child becomes mobile. Although some babies start crawling before they are six months old, most begin between six and nine months, and some never crawl, going from sitting to walking without the middle step. Because children develop at their own pace, each child will begin to crawl when she’s ready. But if a child has not begun by the time she’s nine months old, you may want to talk to a pediatrician about her motor development.

Some parents wonder if they can motivate their baby to crawl by putting attractive toys just out of her reach. Rather than help, this may only frustrate her if she’s not able to start moving. There’s really no need to encourage crawling because children have an innate desire to get to many different objects and explore their surroundings. As soon as she’s developmentally ready and able to extend herself, she’ll start crawling.

When your child first begins to move, you may see her “belly crawl” across the floor. She’ll move backwards or forwards, pulling with alternating arms while her belly stays flat on the floor. Later, she’ll get up on all fours, rocking a little. Eventually, she’ll move slowly on all fours, mastering the movement until she becomes a proficient crawler.

At that point (if not earlier), since your child will be able to reach many potentially dangerous objects, you will have to baby proof your home, an often time-consuming and frustrating task. You should put plants, small toys, and fragile items out of reach, but you should not stifle your child’s natural curiosity about the objects she sees. As long as harmful items are out of the way, let her crawl to the curtains, touch the table leg, or reach for a toy. That’s how she learns about her world. Of course, during this stage you’ll need to keep your floors clear of fuzz, small objects, and crumbs that could end up in your child’s mouth.

You will naturally be concerned about stairs once your child is mobile. The best way to be sure she’s safe is to use gates at the top and bottom of the stairway. If you have carpeting on the steps and bottom landing, you may want to attach your gate a few steps up so your child can crawl up and down the short distance safely. However, if your landing is not carpeted, you will want to attach the gate to the bottom step to minimize harmful falls. She will quickly learn to climb the stairs and will enjoy going up, but most children don’t come down steps safely until they’re one and one-half to two years old. That’s why it’s so important to close the top gate each time you pass through. Once you’ve made your child’s environment safe, you can relax and let her enjoy crawling.

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A father walked out of his son’s bedroom shaking his head. “I don’t believe it. He only weighs twenty pounds and I still can’t get him to hold still for a diaper change”. Getting a baby diapered and dressed requires a surprising amount of skill and patience, even though the job is a short one. Young children, who are usually in constant motion, squirm and resist being held down. They’re excited about their world, their interests change constantly, and they want to move and explore. Because they have a hard time putting off any of their urges, even for a moment, they don’t like to lie still.

Distraction can sometimes make your diapering job a little easier. Try putting some toys or interesting playthings nearby and keep handing them to your child. This might occupy him during a quick change. You also can try singing to him or making interesting noises, but most of the time you’ll have to restrain him a bit until you get him changed and dressed. You’ll naturally feel frustrated as he resists and struggles, but just remember that he has a strong drive to assert himself and explore and that’s why he won’t hold still.

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In theory, a playpen that’s used according to safety recommendations is a help to parents and provides a secure place for a baby to play. The problem is that most babies spend less time in playpens than their parents would like, or won’t stay in a playpen at all.

Most children aren’t content for long in a confined area. They want to explore their surroundings and move around, and they want to be with their parents. Although babies’ temperaments and activity levels vary, all young children have strong needs that aren’t met in a playpen. Some babies may play quietly there for twenty minutes, others for only a few minutes. Then they want to get out and explore or be held. One mother of a nine-month-old was determined to have her child spend a certain amount of time in the playpen each day, but he was unhappy there and became fussy and irritable. After several weeks, the mother stopped using the playpen and found that he was happier and more pleasant. So often children’s needs don’t match parents’ needs.

When parents buy a playpen, they usually think their child will play contentedly in it for long periods. They look forward to putting the playpen outside on nice days and taking it to the beach where they’ll shade their child with an umbrella and let her play. When they discover she doesn’t want to spend time in the playpen, they often feel frustrated and angry, wondering why she isn’t happy to stay there with all her toys.

If you want to encourage your child to spend some time in her playpen, try placing it near you so she can watch you and you can talk or play peek-a-boo with her. Give her a play object such as a toy telephone, pot, or bowl that’s similar to an object you’re using. Then she can occupy herself imitating you. You also can try changing the toys in the playpen frequently so she will have something different to play with. But be careful not to clutter the playpen with too many toys.

If you see that your child is becoming frustrated, pick her up and let her explore. A playpen should not be the main place where she’s allowed to play. She should have a safe, childproofed space where she can move around freely. Take some of the toys and put them in the room where you are so she can play near you. And if she wants to he held, try using a baby carrier so you can keep her close and still accomplish something for yourself.

The playpen has its use as a safe place to put your child for short periods, but she will never want to spend as much time there as you’d like. As long as your expectations are realistic, you probably won’t feel too frustrated when she lets you know she wants to get out.

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Parents want mealtime to be pleasant, enjoyable, and healthy, and they want their children to eat a variety of foods. But often the ways in which they try to accomplish these goals are self-defeating.

Parents may put new food in front of a child and say, “Just taste it”. They hope, of course, that he’ll enjoy the food and therefore ask for more. They also hope that after trying one taste, he’ll get used to experimenting with new foods. However, what often happens is that he refuses the taste and a power struggle develops.

Parents sometimes try threats or various types of persuasion. “You won’t get dessert unless you taste this”. Using dessert as an incentive focuses too much attention on sweets and often causes a child to expect dessert as a reward. Parents also say, “But it’s good for you”, “It will make you big and strong”, and, “Some poor children don’t have any food to eat”. But children tend to ignore such statements, which are based in part on falsehoods. There is no instant strength from food, and eating a meal won’t help another child who has to go without.

Although parents may succeed in having their child taste something new, there can certainly be negative consequences. First, he seldom, if ever, asks for more of the originally rejected food. And if the family is eating in public, his refusal to eat more than one bite can lead to embarrassment. One young child, forced to taste apple pie at a friend’s party, declared loudly, “I hate this dessert!” Once a child decides he doesn’t want what’s offered, he’ll seldom reverse his decision. Another negative effect of forcing children to taste food is the risk of establishing a life-long pattern of aversion. Many adults continue to avoid food they remember being forced to eat when they were young.

Basically, struggles over food are not so much about eating as they are about power. Parents try to make children taste something while children try to resist the pressure. They feel powerless when they’re not able to say, “I don’t want it”. And when they do try a bite of something they don’t want, they eat only because they feel they have no choice, or they want to please their parents, or they want dessert.

When a child resists food, he’s usually not being stubborn. It may be hard for him to tolerate a taste he finds unpleasant. Often, he decides that he likes or doesn’t like something based on its looks and consistency. Therefore, he may know at first sight that he doesn’t want to try something new. Occasionally, he may refuse food because he’s afraid that once he tries a bite, he’ll have to keep on trying more and more new foods.

Yet, despite all the negative effects and emotions involved in forcing a taste, parents get into mealtime struggles for a positive reason: they want their children willingly to eat nutritious foods. And there are ways to accomplish this without resorting to arguments. You can talk to your pediatrician or a nutritionist about alternatives for a healthy diet and consult books with advice and recipes for meals with a range of tastes. Try providing healthy snacks that children generally enjoy, such as homemade frozen juice bars, carrots, raisins, sunflowers seeds, or fresh fruit, and model for your child the kind of healthy eating habits you want him to adopt.

At mealtime, provide healthful food and leave him free to choose what he wants to eat. You’ll find that when there’s no coercion or arguing, meals are more relaxed and he’s more willing to try new foods. As your child gets older, his tastes will change, and he’ll eat different types and amounts of food. For pleasant and healthy eating, the best thing to do is offer a variety of good food without putting on the pressure.

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Soon after a child begins sitting in a high chair, she will probably want to try feeding herself. At first, she’ll use her hands to pick up food, getting some in her hair, on her clothes, and on the floor. Eventually, she’ll become a bit neater and start eating with utensils, although she’ll still use her hands.

Some parents are so bothered by messy eating that they try to stop their child from feeding herself. They think that meals will be faster and more efficient if they do the feeding, and they’re probably right. Yet there are other considerations. A child can become so frustrated when she isn’t allowed to touch her food or feed herself that she might push away what her parents offer and even refuse to eat. All children at some point have a desire to feed themselves, and they’re usually more cooperative at the table when their parents let them try.

When your child is ready to start feeding herself, you can minimize messiness by putting only a small amount of food on the tray (although some tolerant parents let their child plunge into a whole bowlful). When your child is ten to fourteen months old, you may see signs that she’s ready to try a utensil. She might reach for the spoon you’re using or imitate your actions as you eat your meals or feed her.

Her first utensil should be a spoon, since it’s safer to use than a fork. You can continue to feed her with your spoon while letting her dip her own spoon into the bowls of food. By the time she’s eighteen months old, she may be ready to use a child-sized fork, as long as you watch to see she doesn’t harm herself.

Don’t be concerned about the way your child holds her utensils; if she seems comfortable and is able to get some food into her mouth, there’s no need to worry. If she seems uncomfortable, you can show her how to hold a spoon or fork correctly, but don’t get into a struggle if she refuses to follow your example. Eventually she’ll learn by imitating you.

If she doesn’t want to use a utensil even though she’s old enough, and prefers eating with her hands, try to accept the situation. She may be more successful eating that way, or may just prefer to touch her food directly. Since eating should be a relaxed and enjoyable experience, it’s not wise to try forcing your child to use a spoon and fork. Just have utensils available so she can try them out when she’s ready. By the time she’s two and one-half to three years old, she’ll be using utensils much of the time.

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Young children, especially between the ages of ten and eighteen months, tend to make a mess when they eat. As they sit in their high chairs, they mash food, spread it around, and drop it on the floor—sometimes pea by pea, occasionally a bowlful at a time.

Parents wonder why their child acts this way. Is he doing it to bother, defy, or manipulate them? Usually not. He might throw his food down because he’s finished eating and doesn’t want any more, or because he doesn’t like the food he’s been given. He might also just be tired and ready to get down from the high chair. Often, a child makes a mess because he’s playing with his food, experimenting with the textures and spreading the food around to see what happens. A young child is interested in his meal not just for its taste but for its color and feel, and he doesn’t mind getting messy in his explorations.

When a child methodically drops bits of food onto the floor, he may be testing his own power over objects and his ability to make things happen. Children repeat this process because they seem to have a strong inner need to perform the same actions over and over. As a child drops his food, he feels delighted that he can control each piece, deciding where it will land and watching it fall.

This phase, in which your child likes to drop things (toys as well as food), can be irritating. If he’s at this developmental stage, you will find that he won’t listen when you tell him to stop. This happens because your young, egocentric child cannot consider your wishes and his at the same time. He ends up considering just his own desires and drops food even when you tell him not to. If you can view this impersonally or even playfully, without thinking that he’s trying to provoke you, you’ll have an easier time dealing with him.

To ease the clean up, you can spread newspaper or a piece of vinyl under your child’s high chair so you don’t have to wipe the floor. And you can try putting less food on his tray. That way he will still have a little to experiment with while you will have less to clean up.

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